Page 74 of Something New

We sit down and his eyes are burning into me.

The waitress comes and goes, and he has barely moved.

I wish there were more people in here. It’s quiet. Not as reassuringly safe as I would have hoped.

When she brings our coffee and puts it in front of us, I try to ease the atmosphere by restarting the conversation. Tuomo is busy rolling the sleeves of his shirt up over his forearms, folding each roll, moving slowly, with strange purpose.

I clear my throat, hoping to get his attention.

“Tuomo, everything that has happened since you came back into my life has happened so fast. It’s been really intense. I don’t mean that its good or bad - but it’s only been about three or four weeks and it’s really confusing and overwhelming for me.”

He stares at me, leaning back in his seat with his arms folded across his chest.

“So, because you got a little overwhelmed you want to throw what we have away?”

I shake my head. “No, it’s not like that. I think we would both benefit from some space and time alone to just think about things.”

He says nothing.

I try again.

“I need a week or two to clear my head so that I can sort everything else in my life out too. My job for example.”

“A week or two.” He voice is low and terrifying, the way he replies to me makes me tremble. But he is nodding. His body language and his tone do not match.

I’ve said enough. I need to stop talking now and let him process and reply instead of just repeating everything I am saying.

I pick up my coffee and sip it even though my stomach is churning, and I feel like I want to puke.

Tuomo takes his time. I feel like him watching me right now is some kind of power play, so I do my best to pretend that it isn’t affecting me.

I still admire how gorgeous he is, even in the intensity of this moment. I can’t help but notice how his forearms flex and the muscles ripple when he unfolded his arms to pick up his coffee.

He is quiet for a long time and my thoughts wonder about the safest way to get out of the strained situation I find myself in. I am halfway through my coffee when he speaks, and his voice has transformed.

“I think you’re right.” He sighs, leaning forward to pick up his coffee. “It has happened quick. And we both need to take a step back and reassess everything. I need to figure out what to do about my family and then we can talk again - take it slower.”

Relief floods my heart.

“Yes, that sounds like the right thing to do.” I sigh, relieved.

The rest of the conversation is strained and awkward.

We finish our coffee and stand to leave.

“Where did you park your car?” he asks, as we walk along the pavement.

“I walked here. It was a beautiful day.”

“And you were going to walk home?” he says, vexed. “In the dark alone?”

“It wasn’t that dark when I started walking home.” I say. “I don’t live far away at all.”

At this point I think it is safer to gamble with the dark streets even in my neighborhood than it is to carry on spending time with Tuomo.

“I’ll walk you home then.” He says, and I can tell it isn’t a question. Shit. I really wanted to get away from him. My thoughts are a muddle of confusion. One minute I feel as though being with him will only end in my death - and the next my body is craving him with feverish desire.

I need to get away from him.

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