Page 52 of Something New

I shove the gear shift into reverse and wheel spin, forcing Rufino to jump out of the way. He swears at me as I drive off.

My heart is racing when I hit the open road and speed forward.

Fuck all of them.

I don’t need them.

The only person I need in this world is Nerissa. She is my everything. She is my life.

My fists clench the steering wheel, rubbing back and forth. Thoughts of her flooding mind and constrict my heart.

I can’t explain how or why but when I think about her, it’s different.

That possessive streak is still very much there - sheismine. She belongs to me. But now there is something else too. A fear.

I never want to lose her. The fear of that thought sits tight in my chest. Losing something has never struck fear into my heart until now.

I take a deep breath, trying to process this new emotion.

She means everything to me. When I picture her smile, it makes me smile.

I want not only to possess her I want to make her happy. I want to create a beautiful life for her.

I’ve never beengentletowards someone before. Tenderness is not a reaction I’m used to. But with Nerissa that is what I have. She slows my mind, softens me, makes me want to wrap my arms around her and hold her until the end of time.

Cars rush past me. This is ridiculous. What the hell is going on with me? I’m just annoyed by the intervention. That’s all.

I want to go to Nerissa. But I won’t. I have to prove to myself that she doesn’t control me. I am the only person who is in control here.

I need to get home and clear my head.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

Nerissa

Sitting at the small wooden bar chair at my kitchen counter with a bowl of cold noodles in front of me I have been ignoring for twenty minutes, I read the message Hayley sent me again. It worries me because she’s right. But I also don’t really want to admit she’s right because that is a whole different can of worms I don’t want to open.

Hayley: What is going on with you? You don’t reply to my messages. I don’t even see you anymore. It’s like you fell off the planet. Did I offend you or do you not want to be friends with me anymore? Please talk to me.

I have fallen off the planet. The only person I ever spend time with is Tuomo. And I have been avoiding her messages because I don’t know how to explain that to her. Because I know what I’m doing is wrong. I shouldn’t be with him. But that doesn’t mean I should just ditch my best friend and not tell her about everything.

I sigh, my fingers hovering over the keyboard. I don’t know what to say.

It’s too much to explain over one message andIcan’t understand what’s going on so how can I tell her?

If I look at my behavior over the past while, it has become erratic and irresponsible. I’m not focused on the right things anymore.

Have to reply to her though. I can’t just leave this.

She thinks I’m mad at her. I feel horrible about that.

I type, delete it, and start again.

Why is this so difficult?

Me: Hi babe, I’m really sorry I’ve been so distant. The truth is I ended up not getting that job - the one I was meant to start last Monday, and it messed with my head a lot. I’ve just been lying low and trying to figure my life out. I’m not mad at you at all and it means a lot to me you have been messaging. I’m an asshole for not replying. I love you lots, and we must get together soon.

I hit send and my stomach churns. I’m a shit friend.

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