Page 51 of Cause Of Death

I consider it, and while a part of me wants to agree immediately, I’m no longer the only person who will be impacted if I decide to undergo treatment.

“I’ll discuss it with the pack, Dad. I’m not ruling it out, I think it could be incredibly beneficial, but I have to think of more than myself now. Our connection means that any major treatment is going to impact them as well, and they could experience similar side effects as me, just to a lesser extent. I don’t think they’ll oppose me doing everything in my power to become as healthy as possible, but it’s something we all need to think about as a pack.”

Dad grunts, and I’m thankful for small mercies when he moves on to his next point.

“Now that your heat is over, when are you coming home? When do I get to meet the rest of this pack of yours? I’ve spoken to most of them over the phone at some point, but I want tomeetthem in person, make sure that they’re worthy of my son. Ialready know and approve of Adam, I just want the opportunity to get to know the rest of them. Plus, your mother has been in my ear about where you’ve secreted yourself, I’ve never seen her so worried.”

I can’t help it. My derisive snort is as clear as a bell, and there’s no mistaking the disdain it contains for anything other than that.

“Kieran? You don’t believe that she’s been worried? I know you two aren’t close, but Darla’s your mother, and she loves you.”

My fathertrulybelieves what he’s saying, and the hurt in his voice over my disbelief stabs at my heart. But I can’t lie to him, not now that I know the truth. I just don’t want to crush him over the phone.

“Dad, you and I need to have a talk. There are things you need to know about Darla and me, and about Taylor. We’re driving back to the city tomorrow. Do you think you could come over to my penthouse for dinner? Just you. You’ll get a chance to meet everyone, and then we can clear the air.”

Part of me hopes that he’ll say no. Part of me hopes that my father will delay setting his eyes on me in person, to reassure himself that I’m in one piece and healthy, all so I won’t have to carve his still-beating heart from his body when I tell him of my mother’s treachery and abuse. Part of me wants to do everything I can to keep my father’s illusion that we’re a happy, loving family, alive. But a greater part of me wants to see him, hold him, and take the first step on the journey of healing we’ll need to take, together. As it stands, I’ll be starting therapy once my mother has been dealt with, and I have a feeling my father will be joining me.

“What time? Is there a dress code? Should I bring anything?”

My heart simultaneously sings and shatters.

How the hell am I going to be able to eat dinner with my father, knowing I’m about to destroy his entire world?

Iswear, it’s moments like this that I feel like the luckiest alpha in the entire world. I have a pack made up of every person I’ve ever loved or cared for, people I trust with my life, and I know that they feel the same way about me in return.

Steve is behind the wheel of the Suburban, driving us back to Merced. We’ll unload everything there, and poor Gizmo can go and hide in his favorite spot and recover from the multiple relocations he’s had to endure over last week or so. He’s such a chill little dude most of the time, but none of us wants to overly stress the little guy.

Speaking of Gizmo, the miniature void is purring up a storm from where he’s curled up between Adam and me in the back of the SUV, probably because I’ve got my hand through the top latch and am giving him plenty of chin and ear scritches. Kieran is sitting in the middle of the row in front of Adam and me, bracketed by Leslie and Kimberly. The three of them are piled together as close as possible while still wearing their seat belts—a rule I enforce in every vehicle I step foot in, with the onlyexception being the life-altering return journey from Reno when I bonded with Disa—their voices are soft and content as they chat about whatever it is that has them so distracted. My little Wisp is up front keeping Steve company, and all of them are trying really hard to not interrupt the very important discussion that Adam and I need to have.

“Be honest with me, Adam. I’m not going to get upset or be offended. I don’t subscribe to the “might is right” school of thought, and just because I’m bigger than you doesn’t mean jack shit. You’re eight years older than I am and have a whole slew of experiences that will come in handy if you step up as Pack Alpha. Saying that, I also don’t think that just because you’ve got a few years on me automatically makes you perfect for the role. Talk to me, man. You aren’t alone in this.”

Adam sighs and turns his head to stare blankly out of the window. I patiently wait for him to speak, giving him the time and space he needs to formulate his thoughts, to get them straight inside his own mind. I’m glad he’s taking this so seriously, and not just making demands and expecting them to be followed.

“I… uh, that’s the thing, Henley. For most of my life, Ihavebeen alone. I haven’t had a family or pack to worry about, my life has revolved primarily around Kieran, with my own needs and wants coming second. Yeah, sure, there are particular issues that I have more knowledge or experience handling, but I have no clue how to actually look after others in my care, or how to navigate through a family dynamic.” He turns to face me once more, his lost and bewildered expression tugging at my heartstrings.

“Hell, my parents split up when I was young, happy to shuffle me off to someone else while they went on their merry way to begin all over again with new lives and families. I was pretty much raised by my great-uncle, and he was a belligerent old cootthat had no idea how to deal with another person in his life, let alone a child. He did his best, but anything beyond putting a roof over my head, food on the table, sending me to school, and warning me that if I was going to break the law, then make sure I wasn’t caught, was beyond his meager skills.”

I reach across and palm Adam’s neck, tugging his head closer to mine and leaning forward until our foreheads touch. I can feel him through the bonds we share with Kieran and Disa, feel his fear and anxiety, his need to protect those in his charge whether they share a connection with him or not.

“If you want me to take on the role of Pack Alpha, I will do so, happily. However, that doesn’t mean that I’m the be-all-and-end-all, that our family will obey my rules and orders or else. As it stands, prior to this week our little family discussed things, and the others can tell you I amalwaysopen and willing to hearing other people’s thoughts and opinions. While I’m the one who ultimately makes the final decision, it’s always after taking everyone else’s feelings into account, and I’ll only lay down the law if I think someone’s health or safety demands it.” I stare into Adam’s eyes, willing my gaze to transmit my sincerity as I offer him everything I have to give.

“If you want me to step aside and let you lead, I’ll be the best goddamned second you’ve ever had. I won’t pull my punches, I won’t feed you a bunch of bullshit, and I’ll call you out if I see you heading down the wrong path. However, if you decide you want me to step up and take the lead, I will. I’ll expect your support and trust, and that if you have any issues with my decisions to come and talk to me about them. I’ll push you to be the best person you can be, not just for our pack and family, but for yourself as well. If I think you’re better equipped to deal with something, I’ll step aside and let you handle it. But I’ll be the lead, the man on point. I’ll be your alpha as much as the others. After all, there can only be one Pack Alpha.”

Releasing Adam’s neck, I sit back and wait. Nothing can happen until Adam decides on his role within the pack and I refuse to rush him. His decision will create ripples that will impact all our lives and therefore isn’t one to be made lightly.

I relax in my seat, one hand at Gizmo’s mercy as he aggressively headbutts my palm and nuzzles my fingers, the other resting on the frame of the window and propping up my chin. I mindlessly watch the hills and distant mountains roll by. The forested landscape gradually turns into farmland then into clusters of small towns, before spreading into a more concentrated urban sprawl.

We’re on the homeward stretch of the journey, with Sacramento behind us and about two hours before we reach Merced when Adam finally speaks.

“I think Kieran and I would best fit as members of the Armstrong pack, rather than leading the Knight pack. We can’t split the two between us, because there are too many intermingled bonds, or at least there will be, soon enough. Besides, I’m not going to separate our boy from the family who have shown him nothing but affection, acceptance, and adoration since the moment he woke up in your care. He’s lived a life so removed from his peers, unsure who he could trust due to both his health and the wealth of his family. Now, he doesn’t have to worry about that. He has a fellow omega in Disa, one who can better guide him through his instincts and urges now that they’re no longer suppressed. He’ll soon be able to feel Kimberly’s desire to fire up the consoles and play a few rounds with him, happy that she has another person who shares her interests. He’ll be able to sense Leslie’s appreciation that they share similar tastes when it comes to particular fabrics and textures and fashion, even though Kieran doesn’t really wear much beyond jeans, sweats, band tees, and hoodies due to hisisolation.” Adam smiles softly as he stares down at the dark head bent between Leslie’s dyed locks, and Kimberly’s russet tresses.

“Most of all, he’ll come to know that Steve truly is thrilled when he asks for a cuddle because he’s feeling a little under the weather, and just wants to be fussed over. He’ll understand that, like me, the others will never see him as a burden, but as a fellow collaborator in their assorted plans and hi-jinks even if he’s laid low thanks to his P.I.D.D. I can feel his contentment, his sense of safety from having two alphas, even though he still loves me with everything he has. I get it. I still have his heart; it’s just grown to encompass all of you as well. I haven’t lost a damned thing either, and for that, for gaining so much more than I’d ever hoped for, I’m eternally grateful.”

I grin. I can’t help it, there’s no escaping the joy and satisfaction of knowing that Adam agrees with me on where him and Kieran both belong. Having him onside will make registering and officially announcing our new pack a hell of a lot easier than if he wanted to remain separate. Knowing I have him as my backup, that he can step up as Alpha in times of need when I’m unavailable or absent, that I don’t have to place that burden on Steve? It lifts a heavy weight from my shoulders, one that I’ve been unconsciously carrying for years.

“Have you thought about what you’re going to do now? Leslie and Steve filled me in on your discharge when they picked me up last week, but that you didn’t have any concrete plans.”

I thump my head against the head-rest of my chair, groaning and grumbling beneath my breath. So much has happened since I received my official discharge papers, and I haven’t really had any time to put any thought into a future occupation. I’ve never been one to sit idly by. I need a job, a purpose, or I’ll go insane.

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