Page 35 of Make It Without You

A collage of our time together greets me in a picture frame. Movie ticket stubs, photo booth pictures, a napkin from the ice cream shop, a picture of me practicing, James in his football uniform with me after a game, and so many more mementos of us in the three years we’ve been together.

“I love it,” I tell James with tears in my eyes. “I love you.” Leaning forward I place my lips to his but he pulls back.

“I love you too, my Emmy.” He announces.

I love it when he calls me that. “What else do you love about me?” I ask as I crawl into his lap and straddle him.

“How strong you are.” James declares and then suddenly flips our positions. His body fits in the cradle of my legs perfectly. He places his arms on either side of my head and traces over my face with his gaze. “I wanna spend the rest of my life with you. I want the house, the kids, the movie nights, and ice cream dates. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Emily Marie Bailey. I love you more than the words I just said.”

The tears that were once sad from neglect have turned to happiness from the love that James has given me. I nod and smile through the emotions. Pulling him closer to seal our lips together.

Adam

Inoticed her the second she walked through the door of my bar. Light brown eyes with long wavy dark brown hair and an olive complexion. She looked like she was seconds away from breaking if something went wrong. So as soon as I set her drink down in front of her, I gave her some space until she looked up in search of someone.

What I didn’t expect was her gaze to completely unfocus and tears falling with no intention of stopping. Thankfully it’s emptier for a Tuesday, otherwise, I feel she’d be more than mortified if she knew she was crying in front of strangers.

Tossing the dish rag on the counter, I walk out from behind the bar and make my way towards her. She still hasn’t noticed my presence and I don’t want to frighten her. So I gently place my hand on her shoulder.

“Are you okay?” I say it as softly as possible, even though she still startles at my words.

A soft gasp comes from her as she looks around before settling her tearful gaze on me.

The woman in front of me breaks my heart and I don’t even know her. She swiftly wipes under her eyes as if that’ll help erase the evidence of pain.

“I’m sorry,” she says and it’s the last thing I expected her to say. Her phone pings multiple times before she looks at it. And her shoulders fall from her ears as what I’m assuming her reaction is from regret texts.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I ask when a few seconds of stilted silence are all that pass between us.

Her eyes water as she shakes her head. “I don’t think you want to hear it.”

My bartender comes back into the bar from reconnecting new beer taps. “I’ve got time. Come with me.”

She hesitates before grabbing her things along with her drink. Silently, she follows me out to the dining patio. It’s blessedly empty so I’m hoping it gives her a chance to let out what has her so upset.

Her shaky breaths are the only sound between us, so I break it with words.

“What has you here on a Tuesday? Crying in a bar nonetheless?”

A lone tear slips out of her eye and I watch as it forges a path down her cheek. “I slipped back into a memory with my fiancé.”

That puts me on edge and I lean forward in my chair. “Did he hurt you?”

“He can’t hurt me when he’s dead.” I watch as her lips tremble while she tries to hold it together. “Although the fact that his death still feels so raw is cause for me to say he did hurt me.”

“I’m so sorry,” if I could say anything other than that, I would. “Would you mind telling me how he passed? Maybe talking about him and your time together will help.”

She looks down at her hands and begins to tell me her story.

“We met when I was fourteen and were together for eleven years. He was the first person to champion for me. He was therewhen I got into fights with my parents. He cheered me on at my showcases. At eighteen I knew I would marry him.”

What’s it like to be that sure of who you’re meant to be with when you’re that young? If I was so sure I wouldn’t be divorced.

“Turns out we were on the same page. But he didn’t end up proposing to me until I graduated college. That’s what I love, or should I say loved, about him. But I guess the universe had a different plan. He was taken from me three months before our wedding.”

If I could take her pain, I would. But no matter the words I say or the gestures I make, it can never take her pain away. “I’m so sorry. I wish I had another word to say.”

Her smile is lifeless as more tears flow down her face. “For those days after I was in such denial. I kept waiting for him to walk through the door of our apartment, ready to spout off some sports stat that had been rattling around in his brain. But as the days went by and the door never opened, reality sunk in. It’s been two years and some days it’s hard for me to remember what it’s like to breathe. Or how to exist in a world where he’s not a part of it. And I know that’s selfish, I know I could heal and move on. But he was my other half.” She covers her mouth with her hand as a soft sob breaks free.

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