Page 18 of Make It Without You

We each serve ourselves before taking a seat at the kitchen table. Chatter and laughter are ever-present when it’s the three of us. Emily’s smile never dulls when she realizes her parents are nowhere in this house.

When our bowls are clear, Gloria shoves us out of the kitchen telling us to go put on a movie. With minimal protest and some light towel swatting, we listen.

“What movie tonight, my Emmy?” I ask as we meander down the hallway to the movie room. My arm is slung around her shoulder and her body fits next to mine like a missing puzzle piece.

“Sweet Home Alabama,” Emily states, shocking the shit out of me.

“Really?”

Our steps are muted when we cross into the carpeted room. “Yeah. I really want to watch one of the best romantic comedy movies to ever exist.”

“Is it really the best?” I counter, ready for a debate.

She whips her body around, taking me by surprise, and sternly points her finger at me. “James Michael, don’t you dare question this ruling.”

“Scouts honor. I would never.”

I find the DVD in the genre-specific drawer, because yes Emily is organized like that, and pop it into the DVD opening. Grabbing the multitude of remotes, I walk back to the loveseat that Emily is already curled on. I turn the lights down to set the mood for the movie and curl her body into mine.

Two hours later and I have been schooled. It was a cute movie—one about a second chance between a boy and a girl who were childhood sweethearts. I can see why Emily loves it.

“So what did you think?” Emily asks me as the credits roll.

“I can see why you like it.”

“It’s the charm of Josh Lucas,” she dreamily says.

My eyebrows hit my hairline. “Do you have a crush on him?”

“He is dreamy,” she starts. “But my crush is sitting right next to me.”

“I love you.” I blurt out. “Wow. I did not mean to say it like that.”

“I love you too,” Emily says with a smile.

One year after asking her to be my girlfriend, the idea of love, which was painted to be this fictionalized ideal that wasn’t graspable, no longer terrifies me. Being with Emily has been a whole new experience. Although I feel she’s older for her age with how she lives in this house. She also makes me want a sort of domesticity that being in this house temporarily provides.

And if I imagine harder than possible, I can see it all. The house, the kids, the love; all spilled out into a space that we create as our own.

Emily

2009

James: I have a surprise for you.

My phone buzzing breaks me from my violin practice. Even after all this time, I still get butterflies when he texts me.

Me: Is this a fancy surprise or a casual surprise?

James: You’ll see when you get home. I’ll see you later. I love you.

Me: You know I hate your surprises, right? I love you too.

James: *kiss face emoji*

I still can’t believe that it’s been over two years since we started dating. And because of it, I love the beginning of the school year. But also bittersweet seeing as James, Kamryn, and Liam graduate this year. They’re not my only friends at this school. But they’re who I hang out with the most.

Did I know this would happen? Of course. I knew dating James would come with a solo year of isolation in high school.

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