Page 16 of Make It Without You

“You’re cute, you know that?”

His gaze slides down to me and that boyish smile I’ve come to like so much graces his face. “You’re cute too,” he tells me right before he boops me on the tip of my nose and slings his arm over my shoulder, tucking me into his side.

Day by day and week by week, James and I have gotten more comfortable around each other. We’re still hesitant with our moves. But as time goes on I’m realizing that everything is safe and everything is better when we’re touching in some form.

Is it also crazy that he hasn’t kissed me? I mean I’ve never been kissed so I’m not sure how long you’re supposed to date someone before you kiss them. But I want to kiss him so bad. He would be my first kiss so I want it to be perfect.

We place our ice cream orders and accept them across the display counter. Once paid we bundle into a small table. I let James try the Oreo flavor and I begrudge him by tasting the mint chocolate chip. I’m not a fan of his, but he was a fan of my ice cream.

We don’t linger too long in the shop and start our walk back to my house. It’s still mid-afternoon and no cars are in the driveway.

“You wanna watch a movie?” James proposes as we walk through the front door. Our shoes and jackets line the wallbefore we head into the living room. I pluck up the remotes and walk over to the couch.

“You pick.” I say, holding out the remote for James to take is like handing him control of a ship.

His laugh is contagious as he flips through until he finds a movie we’ll both enjoy. I pull the blankets off the back of the couch and unfold them before laying it over us. Laughter escapes me as I see the opening scene ofMiss Congenialitydisplayed on the TV.

I turn to look at James. His smile lights up his eyes and I have this intense urge to kiss him. So I do. I gently turn his head and press my lips to his. His moves are delayed until he kisses me back. I’m not sure what to do so I follow his lead. All he does is kiss me back, but I can still sense his nerves as he does so.

James breaks the kiss. His lips are swollen and red. I’m sure my lips look the same.

“Why’d you kiss me?” He asks, but not in an accusatory way.

“Because I wanted to,” is the only response I give him.

James

“Ilove you.” I say to the mirror. Shaking my head I try again.

This shouldn’t be so difficult to say. I know what I feel for Emily and it’s not just like. We’ve been inseparable for the last year. She shows up to my games and I show up to her recitals and concerts. When she’s lonely in that big house of hers, she begs me to stay. Or I invite her over to mine while my parents and brothers treat her as if she’s already part of the family. And in most cases she is.

I square up to the mirror again. “I love you.”

A pounding on the bathroom door has me jumping out of my skin.

“Open up casanova,” my little brother, Malcolm, demands from outside.

Being the second oldest of five, means my younger brothers have gotten to witness every stage of mine and Emily’s relationship. After we hit the six-month mark in our relationship, my parents finally stopped teasing me. And up until a few months ago, I didn’t think we could have any embarrassing conversations. That is until the birds and the bees talk.

While Emily and I are in no rush to get to that stage in our relationship, my parents made sure to get the talk out of the way. I shudder remembering that conversation.

Nine MonthsAgo

A knock on my door pulled me from my homework.

“Come in,” I replied without looking up from my work. Turning around I see both of my parents enter my bedroom. They’ve given nothing away with the looks on their faces and it kind of freaks me out. “What’s up?”

“Honey, it’s time we had that talk,” my mom stated.

I look at the back of my dad’s head as he closes the door and then avoids my line of sight before sitting next to my mom. “Um, what talk?”

My dad looks all around my room until I see my mom nudge him. “The birds and the bees.”

“Do we have to?”

“No.” My dad.

“Ben!” My mom scolds him. “Yes, James we have to. As embarrassing as this is for you, your Dad and I do not want grandchildren anytime soon.”

---