Page 13 of Make It Without You

“I’m fine. I just want to study.” She quickly dismisses me.

“Sure. Fine.” I’ll table it for now. But I keep that part to myself.

I’ve never had friends whose parents were gone a lot and I’m not sure how to manage. But I think I’ll approach her the way I would a skittish animal. And hopefully, she won’t be so afraid to open up to me.

Emily

Idismissed James way too easily. I know that. But how do I admit that my parents being away so much affects me? Because the only person who knows how I feel about my parents being gone a lot is Gloria.

This is the part of my life that I was scared of James to see. What does he think of my lackluster homelife? Does he think less of me? Does he worry about me?

I look at the clock by my desk and notice that two hours have flown by. My last meal was hours ago and I’m starving. I know that James is too. He’s a football player for crying out loud. And he’s super tall. I peek over my shoulder and see he’s engrossed with his studying.

When I opened the door and saw him patiently waiting on the front step, my heart about fell to my stomach. I’m new to this dating thing. And being around boys is a completely new territory for me. I may have ruined what little easy-going nature we had when I snapped at him.

So I spent the last half hour re-reading the same two pages of my History textbook until I couldn’t take it anymore.

Taking a deep breath I stand up and walk towards where he’s sitting. He doesn’t notice me until I’m seated next to him. I tuckmy leg under my thigh as I pick at my too-long fingernails and wait for my voice to make its way up.

“Hi,” I say to him, awkward, even for me.

“Hello.”

Rip off the band-aid Emily. “I’m sorry for how I spoke to you earlier. I kind of dismissed you.”

“That’s okay, Em.”

He’s too good for me. Too forgiving. And maybe that has to do with how he grew up.

“No. It’s not. I just...I get kind of guarded about my parents and how little they’re around. That wasn’t fair to you for me to dismiss you like that.”

“Apology accepted.”

“Okay. Cool. Are you hungry?”

“Starving.” James quickly answers, followed by the grumbling of his stomach. He throws his pencil in his textbook and closes it, placing it on the small table in front of us.

“I can order a pizza or two,” I offer.

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

I find the number online and order us two large pepperoni pizzas. “Alright. Thank you.” I hang up the phone and turn to James. “Fifteen to twenty minutes,” I announce to him.

“What do we do until then?” James asks me.

“I want to show you something.” I stand up and make my way to the built-in bookcase that was installed. My parents made me promise not to tell anyone. But I feel safe around James and I know I can trust him. I find the book that’s hiding the doorknob. Twisting, I push the door open.

“Woah!” James exclaims.

Once the door slides open, I hold my hand out to him. When James takes my hand I lead him up the short flight of stairs.

“My parents had this installed as a sort of safe place for me. I’ve always loved the night and being surrounded by it.” I explain to him as we get comfortable in the small room. It’s sort of like an attic but with a huge skylight. I took the liberty of getting a thick mattress pad, blankets, and tons of pillows up here.

“It’s like a cloud,” James muses as he settles into the space by my side.

“Yeah. It’s perfect for me.”

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