Page 113 of Make It Without You

“I am. And you could too,” she pleads. By her side, I didn’t realize we were walking until we stopped at the entrance. From here I can’t make out a crowd. And I’m assuming that since it’s October that it’s not busy. “Em, life is easier when you have someone in your corner. Helping you fight the bad days and cheering you on through the good days. We both know it’s not easy, but Adam loves you. He wouldn’t be the one if he didn’t let you remember James in a healthy way. He wouldn’t be the one if he didn’t love you, and he does.”

I turn to look at Kam and I see Sarah and Jax waiting for my next move. I untangle myself from Kam and stand in front of the door.

With a deep breath, I open the door and look for the man who still owns my heart. I wait for my eyes to adjust to the dim lighting and then I see him. Standing behind the bar like he was just a year ago. Only this time it’s utter confusion on his face.

“Hi,” I greet him and the mostly empty restaurant.

Adam says nothing, but his eyes say everything.I miss you. I love you. Why did you push me away?

“Okay,” I murmur and move a step closer to where he’s at. “I got scared. I hate change. And so much change was happening that I needed to find my footing on the ground before I ultimately destroyed everything in my path. To do that, I needed less in my life.”

His eyebrows fly to his hairline and I’m realizing how that sounded.

“No, Adam,” I plead and walk closer to the bar. “You are more. You are the more in my life.” I wait and see for my words to process. And when I see that they have I continue. “I’ve been seeing a therapist. We dug deep. It was painful. But it really does go back to my parents. And how I developed an attachment style relationship with James and I didn’t want that to carry over to you. To us. So I needed to re-evaluate my life before you and I could finally ride off into the sunset. I love you. I am in love with you. I see the future with you and Dylan. I see more kids–our kids. Adam, I love you. And if I need to go through change like a butterfly, then I’d rather do it with you.”

I finish my speech out of breath. I glance around and see I’ve gathered the attention of those in the bar. And I wait. Wait for Adam to acknowledge all that I’ve said. Wait for Adam to move from behind the bar. I wait. Now I know what rejection feels like. So with as much dignity as I have left, I send him a half-smile, tap on the bar, and walk out the door.

The girls are waiting on pins and needles when I come out and I just shrug. I’m about to open my mouth to tell them what didn’t happen when I hear the door open behind me.

“Emily!” Adam shouts as he runs towards me.

“Adam, I don’t really feel like reliving–” I’m cut off when he kisses me; a breath-stealing, heart-stopping, earth-shattering kiss. Our lips meld together and all of the tension flows out ofmy body. He teases my lips with his tongue and I open to him, gladly. His tongue dances with mine and I feel like I can’t get close enough to him. My hands slide into the back pockets of his jeans and I hold him to me. No inch of space threatens to separate us.

The girls whooping behind us disrupt us from our reunion.

“I’m sorry,” I tell him when our lips are no longer mashed together. “If it’s any consolation I was an absolute mess.”

“That does make me feel slightly better. But all is forgiven, baby,” Adam drops his forehead to mine. “Just promise if you run, you take me and Dylan with you.”

“Deal.”

Throats clearing behind me has our attention pulled to our friends. Adam wraps his arms around my shoulders and rests his head on top of mine.

“So since we delivered her here, do we get a drink?” Sarah asks.

Adam

Irritable asshole who? That was me. And I have some people to apologize to. But first I need to take Emily home. Seeing her in the passenger seat of my truck brings a sense of peace that I didn't know existed until she wasn’t there.

“What are you thinking?” Emily asks when we’re at a stop light.

I rest my head back on the headrest and angle my head towards her. “How I like having you back in my passenger seat.”

She grabs my hand that’s resting on the center console and links our fingers together. “I like it too,” she says shyly.

“Don’t get shy on me.” I tell her.

“You don’t like me shy?”

“I like you mine.” I admit and she turns her head towards the window, but I don’t miss her cheeks lifting with a smile.

The drive back to her place is comfortable. And one I missed these past two months. As much as I hate to admit it, this time apart was necessary. It hurt like hell to not be with Emily, but I needed it to get all of my ducks in a row regarding the custody case.

I flip the turn signal and turn into Emily’s neighborhood. I do love this area for her. But I still want her to move in withme. That’s not something that’ll stop niggling in the back of my mind. I pull into the parking lot and park next to her car. And I get deja vu all over again. This flashback specifically from the morning I made her pancakes.

“How’s everything going with custody?” Em asks from next to me. She takes off her seatbelt and rests against the door.

“About as good as can be expected. CPS came out last week which sent me into a freakout. Thankfully my parents came back into town.”

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