Page 100 of Make It Without You

The rest of the day is spent traipsing around the zoo until our feet hurt and Dylan is asleep on my shoulders. Emily makes mestop to take a picture of the three of us. And despite the dead weight of Dylan, my smile has never been more alive.

“He’s still out,”I announce when I walk into my bedroom. I close the door behind me and fall face-first on the bed next to Emily.

“I expected nothing less.”

I feel movement on the bed as Emily moves closer to me. She straddles my back and the moan I let out has me glad the door is closed.

“Never stop that.” I groan as she digs her thumbs into my lower back. I didn’t realize how tight my back would get from carrying Dylan. He’s a small kid, but man does he weigh a good amount.

“What do you two normally do for his birthday?” Her hands continue their magic on my back. Slowly I feel the muscles begin to loosen and I can finally breathe normally.

I flip through other birthdays of his and come up blank. “Now that you mention it, I can’t remember. We always watch fireworks. Even though it’s a holiday, Dyl still claims that the fireworks are a present for him. I usually cook on the grill and he has a cake. But I had no cake and no food prepared for the grill. I feel completely unprepared.”

Emily slides off my back and lays next to me. “He had a blast today. Don’t think you need to go over the top for him.”

“I know,” I breathe out. “Sometimes I still feel like I’m failing.”

“Adam, you are that little boy's hero. He worships the ground you walk on.” Her hands slide through my hair and I lovethat she loves to do that. “What brought this on? Is it seeing Chelsea?”

“I thought I was fine after seeing her. You reassured me that I had nothing to worry about. But I can’t stop the negativity and the crippling fear of what she said from rolling in.”

“I’m with you. Every step of the way I am with you.” Emily declares.

Emily

Islam my laptop shut with a huff. I’ve gone through several websites to figure out what to get Adam for his birthday. He’s not materialistic and he doesn’t collect knickknacks.

Me: I need help!

Sarah: What’s the problem?

Kam: I have bail money.

Jax: Need a getaway car?

Me: I have no clue what to get Adam for his birthday.

Kam: Damn, I thought you’d need bail money.

Me: You three are terrible.

Sarah: Come back! Does he like baseball?

Me: Seriously?

Jax: Dumb question…

Sarah: I can get tickets for next week.

Me: Make it three tickets and you’ve got a deal.

Sarah: Done.

Me: Thank you. Love you!

With Adam’s present sorted out, I stare at the case on my coffee table. A few days after I got home from New York, my parents had my violin shipped out to me. I’m doing my best to keep my promise to Gloria, despite the ache in my heart when I think about playing.

There has been a subtle urge to play again. It had been an urge for a while, but the funeral was what started it back up.

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