Page 89 of The Night We Met

Leaning up to touch my lips to his, I only intend for it to be a quick kiss. But Mason’s hand wraps around the back of my neck. His thumb softly rubbing along my jawline as he deepens the kiss. Our tongues tangle and dance. Reacquainting ourselves after our time apart. The water feels hotter. Or that could just be my body temperature rising.

As much as I told myself I would make Mason work toget back in my life, I didn’t make him work too hard. In my heart I knew that I couldn’t. We’ve both succeeded in our careers, we’re living where we dreamed about, and we’re with each other for the long haul.

Taking control of the kiss, Mason slows it down. Peppering my lips and cheek with kisses then nuzzling in my neck, he lets out a contented sigh. “I know our talk is coming. But I’m just glad we’re moving forward. You’re what I’ve wanted since I was twenty years old.”

If you’d have asked me if Mason and I would have found each other when I was twenty, I would have said no. I was so angry at him. Angry that he could just walk away from what we had. Angry that he made no attempt to reach out to me. I was angry that he made me feel unloveable.

“Is it okay if we just move forward day by day? I’m not knocking your wanting us to talk, but emotionally I can only handle so much.” Therapy has taught me to accept what I can handle and how much I can handle. That in order for any of my relationships, friendship or romantic, to succeed, the boundaries that I set in place are keys for them succeeding.

His kiss to the side of my head is acknowledgement enough. “Of course, baby. I don’t want to rush you.”

“Thank you.” Leaning back into his body, I let my body relax. And when the water gets cold we take turns rinsing off in the shower before Mason orders me to lay in bed as he makes us dinner.

Thirty minutes later, Mason has brought up a big bowl of carbonara, along with the rest of the wine. I heard him whipping it up in my kitchen and I about exploded.

Pressing play on my rewatch of The Vampire Diaries, we settle into our meal. We eat until the bowl is empty and my thoughts are all over the place. I’m barely paying attentionas I think about our bath conversation. Do I want to burst this happy bubble we’re living in by dredging up the past? No. But I need to do it in order for us to find our happy ground.

I place my glass of wine on the nightstand beside me and turn down the volume on the TV.

“What’s up?” Mason asks me now, giving me his full attention.

“I want to tell you about Liam. If I wait for when I’ll be ready to do so, I’ll never tell you.” I turn and face Mason and pull a throw pillow into my lap. Taking a deep breath, “I slept with Liam a few months after we broke up.”

“Huh?”

“Technically it was that summer. I used him. And for some reason it didn’t click that he felt more than ‘just friends’ for me. I avoided him and he called me out on it. Our friendship took a hit my junior year. On top of everything, you leaving and him pausing our friendship, I was broken.”

Mason takes my hand in his. Rubbing comforting circles in a reassuring gesture.

“Things took a turn my final year of school. I apologized for using him and not seeing the depth of his feelings for me.”

His eyebrows raise at that.

“What?”

“Liam cornered me a few weeks after we started dating. He was a bit too possessive over you. It didn’t take too long to figure out he’s who you were sleeping with before you met me. It also didn’t take too long for me to piece together that he had more than friendship feelings for you.”

I do my best to mentally rewind back to that time. It’s hazy but I still don’t see it. “How did I miss that?”

“He was your best friend Kam. Did you ever have feelings for him before we first dated?”

The look on my face has Mason nodding his head. “But I never thought he would feel the same for me. So that’s when I proposed to the whole friends with benefits arrangement with him.”

“Liam should have spoken up. But continue. What happened after you graduated college?”

Looking up to the ceiling in an effort to get my thoughts in order and my words straight. “When he and I got together senior year, he made a promise that if neither of our dreams came true we wouldn’t shut the other out. We wouldn’t break the promise of supporting each other no matter what.” The memory of betrayal washes over me. “When he wasn’t getting the call for baseball that he wanted, he shut me out. He told me promises were meant to be broken. It wasn’t long after that I moved out. But he still never got the call that he wanted. I pleaded with him, along with Sarah, to take whatever deal comes to him. He never did.”

The look of pity on Mason's face for Liam to never get his dream of playing professionally…if Liam could see it he would probably smack it off his face.

“We bounced back for a little bit. We’d been dating for about four years at this point. I asked Liam if I was just wasting my time with him. If he was ever going to take the next step with us. He said no.”

I’ve spent so many nights lying awake wondering if I could have said something differently. Would he still be alive?

“What happened next…I blame myself for what happened. No matter how many therapy sessions I went to or how many people told me his death wasn’t my fault. It can’t take the guilt away. I have to live with the sound of his truck being crushed into the back of an eighteen wheeler.” Talking about this again sends me back to that day.

Mason throws the pillow to the side and pulls me to him. Wrapping me in his arms. Tears silently pour down my face.

“It was a few weeks after the funeral when his parents came to my house. They did everything to assure me that his death was not my fault. But again, guilt is a bitch. They brought over a box of Liam’s things that they thought I’d like to have.”

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