Page 70 of The Night We Met

My realtor found something outside of Downtown Cincinnati so close to the stadium that I could walk.

Now I’m as settled as I can be in my new place when I see a magazine based on local talent. It’s a blog type magazine where it focuses on local talent or talent that moved here and is now picking up.

The article is doing a feature on the company called Ryn & Co. The designer started in her last two years of college, but it fell to the back burner before she could get it funded. Then she had some personal life changes that ended with her scrapping the entire brand as a whole. Until one day she picked right back up where she left off, and her company has only gotten more successful. She’s been all over the place for work and even did three shows in New York for fashion week. The article was truly enlightening. Until I flip the page that identifies the designer. “The face of Ryn & Co is none other than Ms. Kamryn Rawlins.” It goes on to highlight her accolades and gives a picture tour of her office. She’s even more beautiful than she was in college. When I notice the baseball and football stadiums flanking her in the background, my heart thumps an erratic beat.

In my shock of this being her interview, it dawns on me that she did move here. And she’s made a successful name for herself. I don’t see a ring on her finger, but that doesn’t mean she’s not dating anyone. That tiny spark of hope tries to ignite itself so that one day we could reconnect. The other part of me fears that if she is dating someone else that our time to ever be an us again, is truly over. But as I look at her face in the picture, it’s clear that she looks sad. Andworn down. Like she hasn’t had any time to absorb the changes that happened to her.

As much as I dread seeing her, I’m also clinging on to the little bit of hope that tries to ignite.

Will she be angry? Of course she will. I expect nothing less.

Will she cry when she sees me? God, I hope not.

That time with us on the bridge still haunts me. I can still see the tears that stream down her face. Hoping that the words I’m spewing are that of a lie.

My phone beeps with a text from some of the guys I played with my rookie season that got traded around my fourth year at Carolina. They said there's a new dance club and they’re going to if I want to join. I’m not usually a club go-er, but it’s a way to get my feet wet in this city. The group chat popped off when they got the news that I was being traded here. It makes coming to a new team easier as the chemistry we had those first few years in the league was something out of textbook football.

Me: Time and I’ll be there.

Jordan: 10:30

Me: Great

On my short ride from the airport, I noticed how eclectic the city was. Whilst it was still early that people were still at work, what I saw when I was driving through got me excited. I’ll have to reach back out to my realtor to see if she has any recommendations for me to venture around to. What I loved most about living in Charlotte was how the city would block off the streets with vendors and small businesses that would set up shop for the day.

I shake myself out of the one day possibility of roaming the city without anyone causing too much fanfare over seeing me in public. It’s the one down-side to being an athlete and your face is advertised all around the city you play for. Although, since my trade hasn’t been made public, that shouldn’t be too difficult for now. I like being able to roam the streets anonymously. And that is one thing I miss about college. I’m aware that comparing apples to oranges doesn't work. But playing in college and being able to walk around freely, was a breath of fresh air.

My phone buzzing with an incoming text makes me realize I just spent the last thirty minutes daydreaming. I toss the magazine onto the coffee table and make my way to the primary suite. I’m a man that likes living simple and I know that’s hard to do when I have the money that I do. But I have to hand it to Arabelle, my realtor, that she set me up in a good spot. Since I needed a place to live and not a lot of time to do that, she found a highrise with some of the sickest views I’ve seen.

Since the apartment was inspected last month, we were able to waive all the contingencies. With me paying in cash, the apartment was mine in no time. She helped me with my last place and knew I liked living in places that exude warmth. Instead of marble floors throughout, my place has hardwood floors throughout the main living space with new carpet in the bedrooms. The newest technology is fitted throughout and I made a deal with myself to learn the system. I have my iPhone and that alone was a task to get used to from a Blackberry.

I get ready in no time. My clothes are already hung up in my closet and in the dresser, so getting dressed is easy.

Jordan: Headed to the club.

Me: Headed there shortly as well.

I take a deep breath and walk out the door to a city that’s set to welcome me with open arms.

Kamryn – Age 27

June 2019

“Kamryn, let’s go!” My sister shouts at me from downstairs.

“I’ll be down in a second Jax,” Spitting hair out of my face after responding to my sister. “Alright zipper, all you have to do is zip up without splitting.” I cheer for myself as I put my boots on.

Mentally adding wider calf boots to my to-do list to make. I swear companies have a thing against women with curvier and athletic bodies. My calves are not small as I kept up with my running that I started in college and added boxing back into my fitness routine.

“It’s about time. I’ve been waiting forever,” my sister exaggeratedly says to me.

Ignoring my sister's quip, I make sure Lucy and Poppy, my golden retriever and black cat, don't have to use the bathroom and that they both have food and water for the night. When they’re all set I grab my clutch and keys off the table, then walk out to my car without waiting to see if my sister is following behind me.

It’s been two years since my life was irrevocablychanged. I won’t lie and say that I’ve been able to cruise by without any emotional blips. The first year after Liam’s death was hard. My growth these past two years have been a rollercoaster at best. There were times when I doubted every action I made. There were times I was tempted to call it quits on everything.

I made it a year post-Liam when living in our town became too suffocating. Pennsylvania haunted me and everywhere I went I saw him. Every move I made was calculated. With as small of a town that I lived in, I couldn’t breathe. I felt as if I was back in college and the whispers just wouldn’t stop.

My therapist preached to me about the ability to grow. But I couldn’t do that living where I was at. So I put my growth into action and I moved out further west. I’m still close to my parents. They’re a short two hour flight or a nine hour drive if I need solitude. But I couldn’t stay there. I couldn’t force myself to relive that horrific day. Because that’s exactly what I did.

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