Page 45 of The Night We Met

“How did she look?” I finally ask, already regretting the question.

They all look at each other like this is a trick question. Mike is the first one to speak up.

“Honestly, she looked wrecked. It was as if her light completely went out. I’ve never seen her like that. It was heartbreaking to see.”

I look away and choke down the emotions that are threatening to overspill.

“If it makes you feel any better, you both look the same.” He says as an afterthought.

I snap my gaze back to my teammates. “Feel any better? Tell me something. Have you ever had to do something so big that had the potential to ruin everything? I had to break up with the love of my life when I didn’t want to. I have had my mom and coach breathing down my neck since August to break up with her,” my teammates' eyebrows shoot up to their hairline with that confession. “You didn’t see how she reacted that night. The light you talked about being out, you weren’t there seeing it dim right in front of your eyes. So no. It doesn’t make me feel any better.”

I stand up quickly and look around to see that the whole cafeteria has fallen silent and is looking at me. Without making any more of a scene I quickly head towards the exitof the cafeteria, my steps faltering when I see Liam standing just inside the threshold. A thousand words pass between us before he can manage to stop me. In that brief moment, my memory takes me back to when he and I had our first and very brief talk about Kamryn.

“Brooks!” I hear my name yelled out in the athletic building and turn to face a guy I’ve seen around, but haven’t been introduced to.

“Yeah?” I respond to him as he’s in front of me.

He holds his hand out. “Liam Taylor. I’m Kamryn’s best friend.”

It all clicks. For some reason I never would’ve put it together that he was the arrangement she was talking about. I’m not a jealous guy, but seeing him makes me want to punch him in the face. He had years to tell her how he felt.

“Nice to meet you.” My hand meets his and he tries to intimidate me with the strength of his hold. I pull my hand from his. “Did you need something?”

He shakes his head in a nonchalant way. “Just wanted to say thanks for making my best friend happy. She deserves it. As long as you don’t hurt her we won’t have any problems.”

“I have no intention of hurting her. I promise you that.”

Not wanting to talk to him, I rush out of the cafeteria and back to my dorm continuing to choke down my emotions while fighting tears the whole way there.

I know they say men aren’t supposed to cry. That it strips our man card and it makes us more feminine. But what is so bad about men being in touch with their feelings? If anything it helps us be more attune to what is happening around us.

For the rest of my time as a “normal” college student, I put my head down and work. I focus on my classes and the one-on-one training sessions with my conditioning coach. Iavoid my former teammates as the looks they still gave me burned.

I do my best not to seek out Kamryn on campus and beg for her to take me back. That we can keep our relationship a secret. But by the time I get back from the combine and sit through the draft, it turns out the next seven years are a test of my willpower.

Kamryn

May 2012

Idon’t think I’ll ever get over him. Yes, I’ve had boyfriends before, but nothing compares to what he and I had.

Mason was my once-in-a-lifetime love. Not a lot of people get that in their adolescent years. And I know I’m young. I know adults believe that when you’re young you don’t know what love truly is. But in the year that we were truly together, I felt invincible. I felt like with any obstacle that came my way, with him by my side I could conquer anything.

It’s been four months since he broke up with me.

Have you ever had a reoccurring dream where you’re the butt of a joke but you have no idea why. Every person you pass stares at you. Silently and not so silently laughing at your utter humiliation.

Picture that. But it’s not a dream. It’s real life. It’s my life. And walking through campus those next days after word got around was hard. Trying to ignore the whispers that the star quarterback broke up with the sorority legendwas hard to deal with. Because I was the butt of the joke. I was the one they were laughing at.

Sarah held me the night I came back to our room. I was inconsolable the rest of the week. She let me wallow without judgment when I needed to. She held my hand when the pain of my heartbreak tore down every last one of my defenses. She made sure I went to class when I was supposed to, I even took different routes to my classes to avoid seeing spots that Mason and I frequented, I did the bare minimum in my sorority and I think they all understood why; I avoided the cafeteria at all costs, and I avoided going to any baseball games for fear of him being there.

I avoided life.

It was hard making that life adjustment. I went from being so blissfully happy. I was on cloud nine happy. My life was great.

Until suddenly life wasn’t so great. I was no longer on cloud nine. I was no longer in my happy bubble. I withdrew from college life. I became the person I never thought I’d become. The withdrawn and sad person I strived never to become, I became. I thought time would help heal that wound, but I felt it only getting worse.

The light I had promised would never go out, went out. I have no idea how to get it back.

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