Page 50 of The Night We Met

“Wow…”

“That’s not all,” I start, “I saw him before Thanksgiving break after avoiding him like the plague. He asked if our friendship was ruined. I didn’t know how to answer that. So he basically broke up with me. And I don’t know if we’ll ever be friends again.” My eyes water, but the tears don’t fall.

“Oh, honey,” Sarah sympathizes and draws me to her in a side-hug-cuddle.

I have no tears left to cry. I just stay in her embrace completely numb.

After a while I back away from Sarah. “You should go to the game. I know all the other girls are going.”

“I don’t want to leave you alone.”

“Sarah, I’ll be okay. I promise,” I declare, giving her a watery smile. I just want to be alone.

She looks torn for a moment before relenting and getting dressed for the game. Leaving me here with my thoughts and my sketchpad.

This isn’t my sketchpad for class. Call me whatever you want. A sucker for pain. A masochist. But since I started sketching, I have this one scene from my life that’s been on replay since the day it happened. Us on the bridge. Me trying to hold back my tears. Him appearing to be strong.

I keep redrawing the scene from different angles in hopes that it will have a different outcome. But every single time, it ends. The scene. Us. Him standing alone on the bridge with my back in the distance.

I can’t stop the sob that comes out unexpectedly and it’s at this moment that I’ve never felt more alone. Broken.

Kamryn

July (very late July) 2013

My last summer of freedom. I decided to go to New York, but only for part of the summer. It was the greatest learning experience and I’m so grateful to my teachers that pushed me in this direction. I did some interviews with well-known designers to get a feel for what inspires them for their pieces and why. How do they adjust to the changing trends?

I was able to help pick out outfits for models for an upcoming fashion show. The feeling that I got behind the scenes made me realize that I was finally on the right path.

But now that I’m back home, I have a month before my senior year begins. I’ll be honest, my last two and a half years will probably go down as the worst ever. I don’t remember much of any of them. But my first year wasn’t all that bad. So that’s a plus. Right?

Yet everything from that first year is tied to him. Do I regret not having more of a life outside of him? That depends. I experienced a love that most didn’t. I soared. I became a better version of myself. So I can’t say I regret that time of my life.

I’ve decided not to go crazy with spin or Pilates this month. I still do them, just not as much. Instead I’ve spent most mornings out on ten mile runs. Call me crazy but I get a higher high from running than working out in a stuffy room. On the last mile of my run, I run right into Liam.

Liam holds onto my arms to steady me. “Whoa there Usain Bolt!”

“Oh god! Liam, I'm so sorry,” Breathless from the run and the run-in, I place my hands on my hips and look up at Liam.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll see you later Kamryn.”

“Liam, wait!” I wrap my hand around his forearm before he runs off. He turns around and looks at me with a neutral expression. I used to be able to know what he was thinking. That was the best part of being friends with someone for as long as we were. Before the intimacy blurred that solid friendship we had, we knew each other.

“I’m so sorry. I’m sorry that I was the cause of our friendship falling apart. I’m sorry that I didn’t realize how much of an idiot I was and not seeing it. Okay, I’m just sorry for everything.” My breath comes faster as I fight the onslaught of tears. I miss Liam more than I thought possible. I hate that I was the reason we fell apart.

He looks down and shakes his head before looking back up at me. “You have nothing to be sorry about. I knew that you were still going through a hard time.”

“I was. I kind of still am. But I miss you Liam. I miss just talking to you, seeing you, and just being near you. I miss our friendship more than anything.”

“God I miss you too,” Liam announces as he pulls me in for a hug.

After everything I’ve been through in the past couple of years, I just let it out. I lose the battle as the tears startstreaming down my face with no intention of stopping. My body shakes from the sobs.

“Sshhhh…” Liam coos while placing kisses on the top of my head every few seconds. He holds me tighter in an effort to hold me together.

Eventually my tears run out and I pull away from Liam. He lightly runs his thumbs underneath my eyes to wipe away the remaining tears.

“Kamryn, I don’t want to push you or anything. I’m done doing that. My pride was hurt more than anything after your admission. We should talk one day, but not today. I’ll wait for you as long as possible.”

---