Page 42 of Sold on Them

Clearly, Damon and I are on the same wavelength about being alone tonight.

I thought I felt alone after losing my family, but finding Parker and Damon again—only to have to walk away from them—has almost been worse. Probably because I was already keenly aware of how alone I was before they appeared back in my life.

I don’t even know what to think about this weekend.

Yes, I had fun. Yes, the sex was amazing. But sleeping with two complete strangers, plus two former lovers? It’s not something I would usually do.

Not that I think it’s a bad thing. It’s just…different.

I’m grateful for the auction in so many ways. First and foremost, it allows me to pay off my parents’ debt and keep the house I grew up in. It brought me back to Parker and Damon. It was freeing—making me realize how much I’ve put myself into a box that allowed no room for growth since I lost my best friends all those years ago.

Experimentation was off the table. Learning what I liked and wanted didn’t matter.

Hell, I didn’t even date all that much. How could I, when I compared every man I met to the lovers I lost?

Hook-ups were always with someone I knew and trusted, but could never see a future with.

I was only living half a life, and it wasn’t until this weekend that I even realized it.

This isn’t who I want to be anymore. I won’t be this person. Even if I lose both of them again, I won’t allow myself to become this shut away and not being open to new experiences again.

I ignore the tears that spring to my eyes at the thought of losing them. I always thought of myself as a strong person, but have I been fooling myself? There’s no way I was strong if I shut so much of myself off after losing them, right?

“Ugh,” I sigh, glancing out the window, I realize we’ve stopped in front of my house.

“Are you quite alright, Phoenix?” Leonard asks, and I startle. It’s not that I forgot he was there exactly but… Yeah, okay. I totally forgot he was there.

Turning toward the driver’s seat, I see him giving me a worried look. I give him a quick smile as I nod. “I am. It’s just been along weekend, and I have more to think about than I thought I would.”

He hums, not pushing further as he climbs out of the car and moves around to open the door for me. I take his hand, allowing him to help me out before he moves behind the car to grab my bag from the trunk.

“It was my pleasure to be your driver this weekend, Phoenix. I wish you the best of luck in your thinking.” Leonard bows his head slightly as he hands me my bag.

“Thank you, Leonard.” I give him another smile before making my way up the driveway. Once I’ve unlocked the door, I turn around to wave at Leonard before pushing inside.

Suddenly exhausted, I leave my bag in the entryway and head into the living room. Flopping down, I pull out the second phone and debate whether or not to send a message.

Fuck it, I decide. That’s why I have the phone.

I made it home.

I’m so glad it was you waiting on the other side of the limo ride.

I love you.

Parker

I love you, too.

I promise, I’m already working on figuring this shit out.

I don’t want to be away from you or Damon like this.

Yeah, Damon and I are feeling your absence already.

Neither of us wanted to be alone, so he’s coming over.

Parker

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