Page 127 of Kingmakers, Year Four

My mood isas black as this sunless ocean. Every person I’ve ever cared about has lied to me, used me, and made a fool of me.

First my father, then my friends, and finally Ares. I mean Rafe. Fuck, I can’t even wrap my brain around this.

He’s the deepest cut of all.

I really thought he loved me.

I’ve never felt so connected to someone. I thought we were bound together by a thousand links, every shining moment that we spent together another clasp between us. Now it all seems tainted and tarnished, false as nickel and fragile as paper, tearing apart in my hands.

I see Sabrina arguing with Leo up in the bow of the boat. The cousins are snarling at each other, their words lost to the wind. Anna tries to interject and Sabrina snaps at her too, though usually the two girls are on excellent terms with each other.

Finally Sabrina stalks away from them, crossing the deck and dropping down next to me, no space between us.

“They won’t let me untie you,” she says, irritably.

I ignore her. The handcuffs aren’t the issue.

“What are you mad at me for?” Sabrina says. “I found out about all this the same time you did.”

I’m not disposed to believe anybody’s story right now—certainly not anybody in the process of kidnapping me.

Still, Sabrinadidtry to stop Rafe hauling me off down the stairs. She followed us onto this boat because she was worried about me—and because she loves to be in the thick of drama.

“Are you going to help them?” I demand.

“Probably,” Sabrina admits.

“Well fuck off, then!” I snap.

Sabrina sits quietly for a minute, not offended, but obviously considering what to say to me next.

At last she says, “It’s impossible to be neutral in our world. You have to pick a side. Are you sure which side you want to be on?”

“I’m not going to turn against my own father,” I hiss.

“And Rafe won’t turn against his,” Sabrina says. “So I guess you’ll both immolate yourselves for your dads.”

I look at Rafe standing at the wheel again—a stranger in name, but achingly familiar in the shape of his broad shoulders, his lean frame, and his shock of wind-tossed hair.

My chest is burning, my eyes are burning.

I’ve never had to struggle so hard not to cry.

Is he tearing apart inside, like me?

Does he feel like he’s dying, minute by minute?

Or was this easy for him all along?

“Just leave me alone,” I mutter to Sabrina.

“Alright,” she says. “But I’m not actually leaving you. I’m here with you, as much as them.”

Right,I think.Until it’s time to kill my dad.

We pullinto the port of Dubrovnik.

Rafe unlocks the handcuff tying me to the rail, and the ones between my feet, but leaves my hands bound.

---