My body relaxed. I was peaceful and so happy I could have cried if I knew how to let myself do it.
When the performer finished, he threw money into the crowd, the bills floating down like the night Adrik and I made a blizzard out of the Markov’s money. It probably wasn’t much—maybe $100 or $200 in American dollars, but the message was clear—he was giving back to his fans, sharing his success with them. It made me want to do the same. I wanted to be generous and open, sharing what I have with strangers just for the joy of it.
Then Cannons came onstage, and I heard the first refrain of the song that Anna plays incessantly,Love Chained, the one that will always make me think of her.
I’d heard the song dozens of times, driving in her car or watching her dance. But I’d never heard it like this. I felt like I was drifting through time, through a haze of memories that came clear and then faded away again like buildings in fog.
I saw Anna laughing with Leo in the front seat of his car, his arm slung across the back of her seat. I saw Leo watching her dance in their high school gymnasium, Anna standing out from the other girls not only because of her sheaf of white-blonde hair and her black-painted lips, but because of that inimitable grace she possesses that won’t let you tear your eyes off her. Leo certainly couldn’t. I saw how the two of them always sat together at every family dinner, how Leo’s gift was always her favorite at her birthday parties, how they always seemed to be smiling at each other at some private joke I could never understand, not only because I was so much younger, but because no one could understand the secrets the two of them shared.
I finally understood the hopeless longing in that song. I understood that Anna loved Leo all her life, long before either of them knew it. She was chained to him and always would be.
This was her siren song to him. She played it over and over and over, calling out to him. Begging him to see her, all of her.
I looked at Adrik and I thought,There’s so many other people he loves. His parents, his brother, the Wolfpack. Could he ever love me like Anna does Leo? Like they’re the only two people in the world?
Do I even deserve that …
Adrik touched my cheek with his hand.
“You’re a fucking genius,” he said. “I’ve never felt anything like this.”
It was true—theOpuswas powerful.
Maybe too powerful. My chest was so tight I could hardly breathe. Too many emotions all at once.
I’ve dialed back the dosage just a touch. Now it’s manageable. Anyone can take it without having a breakdown at a concert. People don’t want too many epiphanies, not when they’re trying to have fun.
Hakim makes the hand sign to me to take a break. I follow him outside so he can smoke and I can lean against the filthy brick wall, pushing my goggles up on my head and breathing the air that seems cleaner, even tinged with Hakim’s cigarette.
Jasper pulls up in the SUV a moment later. He’s wearing an old bomber jacket with a sheepskin collar. The effect is a little disturbing with his skeletal hands and neck—like he went down in flames in World War Two, and now he’s back to haunt us.
He hauls several duffle bags out of the trunk, bringing them around to us.
“What’s all that?” I ask.
“Supplies,” Jasper says, as if it’s obvious.
I didn’t know we were getting another shipment. I help him take the bags inside, unzipping them to check the contents.
It’s a fuck ton of isosafrole and MDP2P. Way more than we’ve ever gotten at one time before.
I frown at the neatly wrapped packages. “How did you get all this?”
“From Zigor,” Jasper says, looking at me like I’m an idiot. “What do you think?”
My heart is pounding double speed in my chest. I strip off my hazmat suit, flinging it aside.
“Take me back to the house,” I snap. “Now.”
Jaspers drives me back to the Den, his hand pale on the dark wheel. I’m not speaking to him or messing with his music like I usually would. I’m only thinking one thing:Where the fuck is Adrik?
The moment we pull up to the house, I jump out of the car. Jasper follows after me, knowing something is up.
I storm inside, stomping room to room until I find Adrik down in the gym, lifting with Vlad.
“Did you spend every fucking penny of that money?” I shout at him.
Adrik sits up from bench. His black tank sticks to his skin, wet with sweat. He grabs a towel and rubs it down his chest, his muscles swollen and flushed.