Page 110 of Kingmakers, Graduation

You. Always you.

It’s what I said to her from down between her thighs the night I pleasured her for hours. She’s saying it back to me because it meant something to her.

Sabrina is not sentimental. She rarely shows tenderness in this way.

It affects me more than I want to let her see.

Her own knife is probably her favorite belonging. She carries it with her everywhere and uses it even for tasks she probably shouldn’t, like opening envelopes and cutting tags off clothes.

I slip the knife in my pocket, knowing that every time I touch it or use it or feel its weight, I’ll think of her. A little piece of her with me all the time.

“I love it,” I say, pulling her close.

“Well, I didn’t know you were gonna upstage me with this.” Sabrina touches the diamonds at her throat.

“That’s how it should be. I’d be ashamed if you gave me a better gift.”

“What if I want to give you the better gift?”

“Then you should date Andrei. He’d love a sugar mama.”

Sabrina snorts, but she’s shaking her head at me, mildly annoyed.

“But what if I?—”

I silence her with my mouth.

“Youarethe gift, Sabrina. You’re what I want.”

27

SABRINA

It’s two weeks after Christmas, and I’m putting the finishing touches onOpus,the third formula of my hybrid party drug. This one is for concerts. It has the highest concentration of LSD to make music sound phenomenal. Adrik and I tested it out at a live show of Cannons in a tiny dive bar in Danilovsky.

The night started out horribly. We got doused in freezing rain waiting to go inside. Adrik and I were both soaked to the skin, my makeup running down my face, stinging my eyes. Inside the venue was packed, standing room only around the stage.

I hadn’t realized there wouldn’t be any seats, so I was wearing thigh-high suede boots with staggering heels. I didn’t know the band that well, only that it was my cousin Anna’s favorite. I almost said we should go home right then, but Adrik and I had already taken theOpusand I needed to try it out at a real live event.

Seeing how hard I was shivering, Adrik bribed the bouncers to let us into the upper balcony, which was supposed to be for season-ticketholders only. There were two seats free, right against the railing. We sat down and ordered a drink. Adrik put his arm around me, holding me close against his side until heat radiated from his body into mine.

The whole venue warmed up fast, once it was packed with people. A sea of heads bobbed below us. The stage set looked more like a play than a rock concert—the facade resembled a café in Paris, working windows with shutters, flowers in the planter boxes, and vines dangling down from the roof.

The opener came onstage—another artist I’d never heard of. He was Russian, and I could only catch about half of what he was calling out to the crowd, despite all the studying I’ve been doing in my off-hours. Their goddamn language is so difficult to learn, especially with how fast people speak and the various regional accents. This guy sounded southern, maybe from Belarus like Jasper.

As his backing track began to play—a lovely rhythmic remix of an old Temptations song—I felt theOpuskicking in hard. Video screens illuminated behind him, pulses of color flowing like waves of lava in sunset colors of pink, orange, and peach. The venue was warm, Adrik’s arm even warmer around my shoulders. The music seemed to float up to me in waves. I could see it, edged with color and light. The sound-waves washed over me, over and over with each repetition of the chorus.

“Spasibo shto vi preshli na segodnyashniy vecher. Nadeyus vi poluchite udovol'stiviye ot uslishannovo,”the performer called to the crowd.

Thank you for coming tonight … we’re here to feel something together.

In that moment, I felt deeply linked to every person in the room. We were all swaying to the music, our hands in the air. Even though I could only understand half the song, I felt every word of it, every emotion. I felt the humanity of the performer. The spark of life inside him, calling out to the spark of life in all of us.

I turned to Adrik. His mouth was open like mine, his eyes a vivid, liquid blue.

“What the fuck …” he whispered.

Neither of us had to say anything else. We both knew what we were feeling, together at the same time. Our minds buoyant on the music, linked to each other like we were holding hands, floating down a river together.

---