Page 116 of Kingmakers, Year Three

“YOU HAD NO RIGHT!” I howl, snatching up the closest thing at hand, which happens to be my speaker, and smashing it against the wall. Cat jolts at the impact. The music abruptly cuts out, leaving a deathly silence between us.

“Dean . . .” Cat whispers. Her eyes are filling with tears.

“I DON’T WANT TO KNOW WHERE SHE IS! I FUCKING HATE HER!”

Cat flinches away from me, her hands held up in front of her in helpless defense. It’s less than useless—we both know I could tear her apart as easily as that paper.

“I didn’t know?—”

“YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME!” I shout. “You don’t fucking know me at all. You thought I would like that? Are you fucking stupid?”

Now the tears are running down her face, both sides.

They don’t placate me.

They only make me angrier, because now I feel guilty as well as enraged.

How dare she do this to me? How dare she make me feel this way?

I knew this would happen. I knew Cat was too good to be true.

I knew she’d lie to me, and sneak around behind my back, and stab me in the place that hurts the most. It was only a matter of time.

“I’m sorry—” she starts.

“Yeah, you’re fucking sorry,” I hiss. “You’re pathetic and sorry.”

She’s fully crying now, sobs shaking her shoulders.

And I hate myself far more than I hate her, but I can’t seem to stop.

“You’re nothing to me,” I spit.

She’s shrinking down, huddling away from me like a little kid scared of a monster.

I am a fucking monster, I know that. It was stupid to pretend any different.

Why did I think I could be happy?

I don’t deserve that.

I expect Cat to break down entirely.

Really, I’m the one who doesn’t know her. Because she surprises me yet again.

She straightens up, still shaking, pulling her shoulders back. She faces me with swollen eyes and trembling lips.

“This is over,” she says. “I don’t want to see you anymore. You’re broken, and I can’t fix you.”

Her words hit me, straight and swift like arrow shafts.

All in an instant, the world flips and reverses.

I thought I meant what I said while I was saying it.

Now I see it for what it was: rage pointed in the wrong direction.

Whereas, with horrid clarity, I see that Cat is not speaking in anger at all.

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