Page 37 of Misadventures With My Fake Fiancé

“Mom, I—” He paused, obviously thinking about the conversation so far. He looked to me, stunned, and then ran his hand through his hair.

I shook my head, rolled my eyes and pointed to Goldie. Mike's gaze shifted from me to the meddler. I bet he wished he had a musket right about now, too.

“Do you think the baby will have red hair?” Goldie asked, as if sugar couldn't melt in her mouth.

I didn't know if it was the thought of making a red-haired baby, Mike's look of unease when he heard, or my roiling stomach, but the vodka, gin and other liquor from the night before decided to join the party. I vaulted over Goldie, my hand copping a feel of her ample bosom on the way over, practically knocked Mrs. O off her feet and shoved Mike back like a linebacker from the NFL in order to make it to the bathroom in time. Unfortunately, it was occupied. I slapped a hand over my mouth, spun in a circle panicking. Mike's big hand reached from behind me and smacked the large button on the door to the observation deck and it slid wide.

I dashed out onto the overlook area, bent over the railing and yakked.

13

“We have a nice photo of you vomiting. You jumped in front of Mr. O's camera right as he took a picture of an eagle's nest,” Goldie told me two hours later.

We sat at a picnic table in Seward's Waterfront Park after walking the few blocks from the train station. The others were in the parking lot nearby, pulling items out of the two cars that had driven down from Anchorage. In my delicate condition, I was off the hook for retrieving the picnic items.

Jubal, the Wonder Twins, Banks and family had just met up with us. Banks had a rental I bet Mike had contemplated stealing, but not big enough for six. Everyone but Goldie and I were in the lot, chatting and pulling things from the cars. Folding camp chairs, a picnic basket, brown grocery bags, and a cooler.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Not because I was still nauseous. In fact, the duly recorded spew-fest made me feel much better. Now, I had to listen to Goldie and know I could relive the mortifying moment in full color, high-definition, digital glory. That was stomach churning all by itself. “That's justgreat,” I said, sarcasm dripping. “Why, Goldie? Why on earth did you tell Mrs. O I'm pregnant?”

“Are you?” Goldie eyed me closely.

“Of course not! Mike and I haven't?—”

She waved her hand in the air as if that was of no consequence. “We were in a DEFCON ONE situation. That should get the crazy woman off Mike's back once and for all.”

“You could have just told Susan off, not say I was having a baby! What happens next week when we're back home? What happens in a few months when I don't start showing?” Goldie clearly didn't understand the magnitude of the situation. “It's one thing to pretend to be a girlfriend, or even a fiancée. But, a baby? I can't fake that!”

She fluffed her hair. “You did a pretty good job earlier. You have everyone convinced.”

“Convinced I was sick, sure. But not anactualbaby! I could have told them it was the stomach flu, or a hangover. Imagine that, a hangover.” I was tired and very grumpy. I wanted, no needed, coffee, preferably in IV drip form, but Mrs. O would have none of it.

“What would Claudine think of you then?”

“A lush. An alcoholic.” I started to flap my arms as I got riled up. The woman all but admitted she hadn't liked me much. She was going to hire a hit man to kill me once she found out I faked a grandchild. “Either's fine with me. Instead, to her I'm an out-of-wedlock, pregnant woman who's seduced and trapped her only child into a surprise marriage.”

“Violet!” Alex asked, running up to me all flushed cheeks and tousled hair. “Where's the gnome?”

I turned to face him, smiled. “Hi! I left the gnome back at the house. I didn't want him to get broken.” The little boy's face fell. “He belongs to a boy just a little older than you, named Zach. In fact, this woman here, Miss Goldie, is his grandmother.”

Alex was breathing hard from his run. He glanced at Goldie as if he didn't believe me.

“What's this about Zach's gnome? Did he sneak up here?” Goldie asked, feigning surprise.

Alex nodded and pointed at me. “In her suitcase.”

“Zach snuck up in Violet's suitcase?” Her eyebrows went up in fake shock.

Alex giggled. “No, silly. George the Gnome did.”

Goldie held a hand up to her chest. “Oh, my! Why do you think he snuck in there? Do you think Zach knows?”

Alex looked at me. I looked at Goldie. We both shrugged our shoulders.

“I tell you what, young man. Once we're back to the house, we'll give Zach a call and you can tell him you found his gnome. It's a good thing, too. I bet he's worried about him sneaking off like that.”

Alex giggled some more and ran off back toward his dad.

“The gnome was in your suitcase?”

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