Page 42 of Misadventures Of A Single Mom

I should have been mortified I was talking like this in front of Ty. I wasn’t because I knew the more I talked on the subject of dildos and BJs and mouths, the more embarrassed he was going to be. And I thought that was hilarious. Goldie would be mighty proud.

The ladies shouted out while they were laughing, wielding their rubber phalluses like swords. This was a typical reaction to this activity. No chance of getting their full attention. I didn’t take it personally. I just let it go. It reminded me of Zach’s kindergarten class and trying to get them to glue cotton balls on Santa’s beard during craft time. Half the Santa’s went home with cotton ball pants.

I demonstrated how to do the suction cupping.

“Here, can you hold this for me?” I passed Ty the cock on the plate. He looked at it, the tip jiggling back and forth. Goldie didn’t pack the little guys, she went for the eight inchers.

“Uh, sure.” Ty started to look panicked. His expression was a cross between extreme embarrassment and intestinal cramping.

“Ty, come sit next to me,” a woman who looked a lot like the bride, but thirty years older and wearing a longer skirt, purred.

Between the ladies ogling him, the super-sized man part on a dinner plate and the cat calls, I wasn’t sure what was worse for him. “Ladies, leave Ty alone,” I scolded gently.

“Now, don’t worry, all of the dildos have been washed and sanitized.” I grabbed for the condoms at the bottom of the box. “So, if you can each take one of these, I’m going to show you how to roll a condom on just using your mouth.”

The ladies hurriedly passed the foil packages around then heard several thwaps where the rubber smacked the plates.

“If you’re at the coffee table, you can just stick them on there instead.” Some ladies ran with this idea.

I ripped open a foil packet and pulled out the condom, then held my hand out to Ty to get my plate back for the demonstration. I looked at him and smiled. He winced back.

I sat down on the arm of the couch. “Stick the condom, all rolled up on the tip like this. Good. Just like that.” I paused and waited through the sexual banter, laughing and talking until almost everyone had finished. “Now, you’ll use your mouth and tongue to slowly unroll the condom as you move down your man’s penis. Like this.”

I leaned forward to demonstrate.

“I’m out of here,” Ty said as my mouth was almost on the dildo. He was halfway out the door before I got the plate onto the coffee table.

“Ladies, you try it. I’ll be right back.”

I walked out onto the front porch and heard the ladies laughing and chatting behind me.

“I thought you didn’t want me left alone just in case someone…you know.” I tucked a stray curl behind my ear.

Ty stood on the front walk, stuffed his hands in his jeans pockets. “Sweetheart, no man is going to come to a bachelorette party to hurt you. After what I saw in there, he’d kill himself first.”

“So where are you going to go?”

“There’s a ballgame on somewhere.” He looked at his watch. “How much time do you need?”

“Mmm, can’t say for sure.”

We both heard a woman shouting, “My man’s gonna get some tonight!”

“Right. Just call me when you’re done.”

It was latewhen we pulled into Ty’s driveway. I wasn’t the least bit tired even though it was after eleven. I was hyper-aware of him sitting next to me, his body only inches from mine. A tiny car sure came in handy at times like this. It was easy to brush up against each other. Which happened a few times on the way home. It had been accidental the first time, but the second, I had to admit I faked it and leaned in. I couldn’t help myself. I needed body-to-body contact. A girl had to fake it every once in a while. Although I hoped I wouldn’t have to fake it much—or ever again—with Ty.

“Let me help you get these boxes into your garage.”

“Is that a euphemism for something?” I asked, coyly.

“You’ve been hanging around Goldie too much. It means, I have to work tomorrow and I can’t have adult sex toys in my car at the station.”

“Right,” I replied, mollified. Huh. Shot down. He must still be grumpy from the bachelorette party ogling. I wanted him to kiss me, totouchme!

We both hefted a box to carry to my garage, trudging across the Colonel’s front yard. The air was cool, a slight breeze made the leaves rustle in the ash tree above our heads. Ty waited patiently as I glumly punched in the code to the door opener. The single bulb popped on, giving us just enough light to dump them unceremoniously in a free spot. “I guess I don’t have to be as careful as you, or as I usually am. With the boys away?—”

One second I was talking, the next Ty’s hands were on my shoulders pushing me roughly against the side of my car. His mouth was on mine before I could even make an umph. Huh, rough was a major turn-on. Who knew?

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