Page 20 of Misadventures Of A Single Mom

“The police?” I pulled his head back by the ears and looked at him as if he’d given birth to triplets. “I thought it was just a gas leak. You said it had been helped, but I figured you meant someone bumped into a pipe and knocked it looseor something.” My desire to be taken right here on the steps diminished almost completely by the thought of potential death by intentional explosion.

Ty shook his head, although I wasn’t sure if it was from being separated from my neck or in response to my comment. He sighed, stood up and went over and plucked a dead flower off my potted geranium. “The pipe that ran from the tank to the house had been damaged. Intentionally. There was a leak, which is how you smelled the gas. That’s all preliminary. They’ll investigate and let me know.”

I could feel the blood—what was left of it—rush out of my head. “Someone was trying to kill us?” I squeaked.

“I doubt it was meant for us. Most likely Morty. He’s in something way over his head.”

“Semen.”

A side of Ty’s mouth ticked up. “Something like that. Listen, I have to work the next few days. I’ve got my shift, a fill in, then another shift. Think you can stay out of trouble?”

“Funny,” I replied, rolling my eyes. I wished he was sitting next to me again, his mouth back on my skin. “I think I can do that. Besides, it’s Wednesday. What can happen on a Wednesday?”

Ty didn’t answer, possibly afraid to say.

Zach and Bobby wheeled their bikes out of the garage. They had their helmets on, ready to go. At the sidewalk, they carefully climbed on, Bobby on his red bike with training wheels, Zach on his garage sale mountain bike. I looked closer at the front of Bobby’s bike. On the handlebars, two of his stuffed animals rode shotgun. Since he didn’t have a basket I had to wonder how he’d rigged it.

“Is that the…um—” Ty stuttered, pointing to Bobby’s bike. He started laughing.

There, attached to the handlebars of a four-year-old’s bike holding Puppy Dog and Buddy the Bear nice and snug were the pair of black mesh pouchless briefs. They’d somehow wrapped the leg holes through the handlebars, several times so they were secure. With the pouchless part in front, Bobby squeezed in his two stuffed animals.

“Holy crap. I forgot all about the men’s um…underwear. The boys must have found it on the counter when I”—I did a slingshot motion with my hands—“launched them over by the fridge.”

The boys gave a quick wave and pedaled down the sidewalk past the Colonel’s house. Ty tilted his head and grinned. “Those boys are pretty damn inventive.”

I dropped my head into my hands in mortification.

“Why the hellwould someone blow up the Moore’s house?” Goldie wanted to know. She’d waited all day for answers. Tonight, she wore a pair of black capri pants, black platform sandals and a white V-neck cotton shirt with gold sequins in a diamond pattern across the front. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail, but fluffed or teased up in the front. Between the heels and the hair, she was almost my height.

“We think it’s because of the vial of semen we found,” I said casually, as if I was talking about getting eggs at the store.

Goldie tilted her head down to look at me over her reading glasses. They attached at the sides to a rhinestone covered chain about her neck. She didn’t say anything, just turned back to ringing up her sale on the cash register. I knew that look. It was halfWTF, and halfdon’t sass. She wasn’t done with me.

Ha! I had something she didn’t know about. I smirked. I couldn’t help myself.

“Excuse me.” A couple in their twenties grabbed my attention. The woman wore a sundress that showed a tattoo on her upper arm of a geisha blended artfully into a raging sea that curled around her elbow. Her hair was jet black and she had a silver ring in her nose. The guy wore jeans that hung down past his butt so I could see blue plaid boxers almost in their entirety. I had no idea how he could walk, but at least if the woman wanted sex right away he didn’t have to pull his pants down to get to his package.

“What can I do for you?” I asked, ready to serve.

“We’d like to try anal and we’re not sure what would be best.”

Was there something about the butt that everyone was in on but me? “Sure.” I walked over to the appropriate section and started handing them the things they might need. “Lube. Get the big bottle. There’s regular and the numbing kind. There are plugs and beads and vibrators to choose from here on display.”

“I want something big. Something totally rad,” the guy said. He took down a plug that looked like a grenade. “Like this.” As a salesperson, I wasn’t going to ruin their fun by sharing my thoughts on a grenade up the ass.

I looked at his girlfriend to see if she bought into his idea. She nodded her head. “Yeah. Big.”

“If you’ve never done it before, you might consider starting small so you don’t hurt yourself. Work your way up.” I wanted to make sure she knew what she was in for.

Her eyebrows went up in surprise. “It’s not for me!Hewants to try anal. Since it’s going in his ass, he can pick it out.”

Worked for me. “Sure. You guys decide and come up to the counter when you’re ready.”

A few minutes later I rang them up. They ended up going with the grenade model after all and took my advice on theeconomy-sized bottle of lube. Goldie joined us and tossed a few condoms into the bag. “Just in case,” she said. “Oh, wait.” She reached behind the counter to Ty’s box I’d brought back to the store. “Here. Try these beads, too. You might like them. Free of charge.”

After they left the store, I turned to Goldie. “What is it with all this interest in butt stuff?”

“Don’t think you can distract me. What vial of semen?”

---