Page 12 of Misadventures Of A Single Mom

“Excitement’s not so bad,” I said. My life had been ho-hum for so long, I had to admit the past few days had been…action packed. Exciting. Thrilling.

Ty shook his head. “I’m done with excitement. Two tours in the Middle East and I’m full up on excitement. I’m trying for the quiet life.” He grabbed the box of condoms, left the rest. “I’ve got to go.”

I frowned. “Hey, I thought you didn’t need Goldie’s help.”

His grin was back when he turned to me. “Goldie helped by saving me a trip to the store.” He held up the box of condoms. “Tell her thanks for me.”

He walked toward the door but stopped and came back, stood right in front of me. Close enough I could see the blond stubble on his jaw, smell his fabulous scent, whatever it was. “Look, I’m more than okay with sex. That’s adventure, not excitement. A relationship, not happening. That’s more than I can handle right now.”

“What are the condoms for then?” I wondered.

He lifted the box. “Condoms are for sex. A relationship is when you don’t use them.”

Made sense to me in a single, commitment-phobic male sort of way. Goldie had said that I needed sex, not a relationship.She obviously thought an orgasm or two would help. In theory, I couldn’t argue with that. An orgasm would be darn good, but in reality, unless I pulled out that fingertip vibrator from the box, I’d have to get up enough nerve to be with a man. And with Ty, it was obviously no-strings-attached. While I wanted to jump him right now, it was something to think about

Ty brushed the knuckles of his hand holding the condom box ever so gently over my left breast. I felt my nipple harden from the contact and I watched as his pupils dilated at the sight. “Let me know.”

My mouth dropped open, my eyes briefly closed at the scorching, and surprising touch. It had been years since I’d had male contact like that.

Before I had time to react, Ty opened the door to leave and ran square into a man who had George the Gnome hugged against his chest. He was about five-ten, white, scraggly brown hair with an attempt at a mustache above his lip. He had a startled look of a deer about to be run over by a semi.

“What the…?” Ty said, surprised.

The man turned and bolted, Ty making chase after a moment to process. I dashed after them once I’d gathered my wits about me. I had a slower pace as my legs weren’t nearly as long as Ty’s and I didn’t have the same adrenaline rush as Gnome Stealer. Ty grabbed the guy’s arm but he wriggled free, stripping off his shirt in the process. He kept going as if the hounds of Hell were on his heels.

The gnome slipped out from under his arm and fell onto the street, breaking into pieces. Ty skidded to a stop, breathing deeply, the man’s flannel shirt dangling in one hand, box of condoms in the other. We watched the man take off around the corner onto Lincoln. He wasn’t coming back anytime soon. He was halfway to North Dakota.

After a moment of stunned silence, we looked down at George. He was broken into four large pieces of ceramic. I wasn’t sure how I would explain this to Zach. I couldn’t even explain it to myself. Hopefully, it could be put back together with the glue gun.

“What the hell?”

Ty knelt down next to the pieces and picked up a small bundle that had been hidden inside the gnome. Clear bubble wrap protected something that wasn’t gnome gizzards. It fit easily in Ty’s palm. I heard a car approach, so I quickly scooped up gnome parts and we walked together back to the house. I placed the pieces on the kitchen counter and watched as Ty unwrapped the packaging. Inside were an empty plastic bag and a glass vial with a black plastic screw top, the kind scientists used to create secret potions. It was filled with some kind of white goo.

“What is that?” I peered closely at it, squinting. “Glue? Dish soap?” This was super weird. Why was glue inside a gnome?

Ty lifted it up to the light, turned it around. Eyed it funny. “Looks like bull semen to me.”

That was the last thing I thought he’d ever say.Bull semen?I tried not to think about how one got sperm from a bull and into the vial. Yuck. Double yuck.

“I need to wash my hands.”

4

“Can you please explain to me how you know that’s cow sperm?” I pointed at the vial and cringed before I went to the sink to pump and pump soap onto my hands.

I knew a little about sperm. My eggs had met some sperm and made two babies. I worked in a store that sold products to keep sperm away from eggs. But that was it. None of this vial stuff.

“My parents run a cattle ranch,” he replied, still eyeing the stuff. “The term is bull semen. Cows are female. They can't have sperm. Bull semen.”

Right. I forgot about that one. “Then how did it get into Zach’s gnome? And why?”

Ty didn’t look any happier about this than I did. “I have no idea. I’ll call my parents to help figure this out.”

He pulled out his cell. I was glad there was an expert for everything. As he waited for someone to pick up he told me, “This isn’t some kid’s prank. I guess we just figured out it wasn’t a damn deer in the yard the other night.”

That was a scary thought.

He held up a finger signaling me to wait. “Hey, Mom?—”

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