Page 98 of Sinful

I inhaled sharply at the terrible thought.

How could I have been so selfish? How could I have chosen my carnal desires over the good of my own people? And not just my people… the whole world. Everyone on this planet would suffer as the veil ripped in two, letting the Darkness spill out of the forbidden cave, and the chaos that would ensue would be my fault for giving up my purity and causing the ritual to fail. All because I wanted to have sex.

My mind whirled as the hot, oppressive shame swelled inside me. Perhaps the Entity would accept my body in the Tetradritual even as a non-virgin. It was better than nothing, surely, and I was the only possible candidate.

I just needed a sign. Something to show me that it was the right way. Something to show me that all was not lost.

Please show me,I silently begged, squeezing my eyes shut even tighter.

“Still hungry?”

I opened my eyes and turned to look at Sebastian. “Oh, um… yes. I am.”

“Me too. I’ll go and make us some more food,” he said, rising to his feet.

I noticed that he winced slightly every time he moved, but he hadn’t said a single word about his injury beyond the gruff ‘you tried to kill me’ comment when he returned to me earlier.

Somehow, I knew that he’d already forgiven me for the terrible sin I’d committed against him, and he had no intention of punishing me for it.

My brows shot up. Perhaps that was it. My sign!

If Sebastian could forgive me for a transgression as terrible as attempted murder, then surely the Entity could forgive me for a temporary lapse in judgment that led to the loss of my purity.

Yes.

Sebastian’s quick and easy forgivenessmustbe a sign from the Entity; the exact one I’d prayed for only moments ago. But… could I really walk away from him right now? After what I’d done to him? After what we’d done together?

The pounding in my temples worsened as I considered it all. I was caught in an agonizing limbo now, torn between my growing affection for Sebastian and my desperate yearning to return to the Covenant to fulfil my earthly duties. It felt like my heart was a prisoner just as much as my body.

I decided to wait for one more sign. This time, it would be one I determined myself.

If Sebastian unlocked the door and invited me to go up to the house with him, then I would see that as a sign that I should stay with him. A sign that he was willing to consider me as an equal partner rather than a permanent prisoner and slave to his will.

But if he left me here, door locked, I’d see that as a sign that I should leave and carry out my sacrificial duties.

He glanced at his watch and turned to head to the glass door. “I might take a while,” he said. “I have to make a call while I’m up there.”

Take me with you,I silently implored him, already realizing I wanted to choose him over the rest of the world, even if that meant the Darkness and its ensuing chaos would be released. That was how far and deep I’d fallen for him.

He turned back and looked down at me on the bed, face arranged in an unreadable expression. “Do you need anything else?” he asked. “Apart from food.”

Yes! I need you to show me that you’re really willing to make me yours!I screamed inside my head. But I couldn’t tell him. I needed him to say it of his own accord, or else it wouldn’t be true. Just words I put in his mouth.

I shook my head. “I think I’m okay,” I murmured.

Sebastian hesitated for another moment, brows dipping in a slight frown. Then his lips pressed together in a firm line, and he turned back to the door.

With that, he unlocked it, stepped outside, and left me behind.

26

Sebastian

The night airwas cool against my skin as I stepped outside, the hatch closing beneath me with a soft thud. I needed to clear my head, to escape the suffocating glass cage where Rose sat; her presence simultaneously a comfort and a torment.

She’d been my captive for two weeks now, and it was all falling apart because I was too blinded by lust and hubris to see where things were heading until it was too late. Now everything was crashing down around me, and I had no one to blame but myself.

I’d lost control. Let the lines between enemy and lover blur until there was no longer a line left at all.

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