Page 95 of Sinful

Now that the heady lust was no longer enveloping my mind, my reasoning skills were beginning to return, like a fog lifting in my head, inch by hazy inch. My body wasn’t broken. It was just doing what it was designed to do.

Part of my vow of purity involved going against all that and living a life of chastity to prove my loyalty and devotion to the Entity. To show him that I’d sacrificeanythingfor him, including all the natural bodily pleasures that came with living as a woman.

I had failed. I could twist it around in my head as much as I wanted, but that was the crux of the issue. I’d once vowed to forsake all pleasure and remain a virgin until my death, and I didn’t stick to that vow. Simple.

Sebastian stirred next to me and opened his eyes. “Shit.” He slowly sat up, handsome face contorting in a confused frown. “I fell asleep?”

“Yes, for an hour or so. You seem very tired,” I said softly. “Probably because of the injury.”

He swung his legs over the edge of the bed. “I’ll go and get us some food. You must be starving,” he said, guilt flashing in his eyes. “I’m sorry you were down here so long without anything to eat. I had no idea they’d keep me in the hospital for three days. I don’t even remember going to the fucking hospital in the first place.”

I remained silent and watched him step outside. I couldn’t tell him that I’d left the cell to get food in a moment of great hunger yesterday. Couldn’t tell him I still had a stolen keycard hidden under my mattress.

The more I thought about that, the more it bothered me. I couldn’t tell him about the key because at the end of the day, no matter how strong my feelings for him had grown, I was still his prisoner. I had no rights, no freedom to come and go,nothing.

Was thatreallywhat I’d given up my purity for? A man who kept me locked away like a criminal?

It seemed so right a few hours ago. In fact, it felt like I’d actually die if I didn’t give myself to him. But now that I was sitting here alone again, trapped by these four walls, I was slowly beginning to arrive at some stark realizations.

I’d promised him something when I gave up my purity—my whole life. But what kind of life would that be for me as his perpetual prisoner? And what kind of life would it be for him?

He wasn’t going to free me. I knew that. He would always be too concerned about the possibility of me running back to Alderwood and turning him in. So what would happen if he grew tired of having a lover who had to be kept under lock and key in an underground cell?

It was a lot of work, after all. He had to ensure I was fed every single day, and that couldn’t be easy for a man whose life was centered in a major city five or six hours away. Eventually, he could get sick of the endless stress over the logistics of it all, and then his feelings for me would probably fade.

The thought of what would happen then made me shiver with fear. He couldn’t release me back into the world, because then he’d risk getting in trouble. There was only one option to be safely rid of me.

He would have to kill me.

I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the cold wall, my thoughts a tangled web of confusion and despair. I wanted to believe that Sebastian would never dream of killing me, but I wasn’t sure that was a realistic belief to hold. After all, I knew from experience that he was fully capable of hurting me. Sometimes he even took great pleasure from it.

Then again, that didn’t necessarily mean he was capable of murder, did it? He was a rough and cruel man sometimes, but there were moments when his touch was gentle, and his wordssurprisingly tender. In those moments, I saw glimpses of a man who could have been my protector, my lover, myhusband, in a different life. A man who could easily return my feelings of…

“Oh, lord,” I whispered, shaking my head as conflicting emotions churned inside me.

My heart was aching with the burgeoning love that was growing in the shadow of my captivity; a love that felt as twisted and forbidden as the situation itself. But at the same time, reality kept crashing down on me, bringing with it the knowledge that none of it could ever really happen.

That cold, hard reality was this: Sebastian was my captor, and I was his prisoner. Even if he never intended to kill me, he’d still taken my life in another way. That meant true, everlasting love wasn’t possible for us.

And yet, I was still drawn to him, inexplicably and undeniably, even as I cursed the glass and stone walls that kept me bound to this place.

“Rose?”

I opened my eyes to see Sebastian standing before me, holding a transparent bag filled with sandwiches. I’d been so caught up in my thoughts that I hadn’t even heard him return.

He passed a sandwich to me. “What’s on your mind?” he asked, lifting a brow. “You look worried.”

I took a small bite and looked down. “It’s nothing,” I murmured after I swallowed.

“Come on. Tell me.” Frowning, Sebastian sat on the bed next to me. “I want to hear it.”

I knew I couldn’t tell him every single thing that was on my mind. It was too much, and it might make him angry, so I had to choose my words carefully.

“I just thought I might feel different,” I said, lowering my eyes.

“After losing your virginity?”

“Yes. I thought things would be…” I trailed off, hesitating. “I don’t know. Just different.”

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