Page 64 of Sinful

This time, I barely even felt the zap when he clicked the collar controller. Barely even felt the cold concrete scraping my knees as I fell once more.

“Please!” I shrieked, rising unsteadily to my feet. “You have to let me go home before the ritual! If I miss it, the whole world will end! Don’t you see that?”

Sebastian’s eyes narrowed again, and he stalked forward and grabbed me by the jaw. “So fast to learn the rules, and yet so fast to break them,” he hissed. “I should’ve known it’d be like this. You always liked breaking the rules, didn’t you, sweetheart? Turns you on, doesn’t it?”

“Sebastian, please,” I whispered. “I mean… Master. Please.”

He dropped his hand and stepped back. “I’m curious, so I’ll let you speak freely for now. Explain it to me. Explain why the ritual is so important. Why you’re so fucking happy to have your throat sliced open in front of everyone.”

“Outsiders can never understand.”

His eyes darkened. “I’ll try. Now tell me.”

I took a deep breath. “It may seem barbaric to you, but it serves a higher purpose, which makes it a great honor. Especially if you are a Tetrad virgin,” I said. “Such an important blood sacrifice strengthens the Entity, in turn preventing the Darkness from entering the world.”

“There’s already plenty of darkness in the world, Rose.”

“I know, but listen. The world would bemuchworse without the work we do. Without the sacrifices we make. You can’teven imagine the horrors that would ensue if the Darkness was allowed to fully enter our world. Plagues, famines, pestilence, demonic presences…” I trailed off, shuddering.

“So you truly believe you’re saving the world with the crazy shit you guys do?”

“I don’t just believe it. Iknowit.”

“And you don’t think it’s strange that only women have to die for the world to be saved? Only the women have to live in fear while the men get to relax, knowing they’re never at risk?”

“We don’t live in fear.”

“Yeah, you do. And you don’t even fucking realize it. It’s actually kinda sad.”

I sighed heavily. I knew he wouldn’t understand. “We don’t live in fear at all. You’ve lived among us. You’ve seen the way we operate. We’re all happy. Wechooseto stay in Alderwood, not out of fear, but out of love and devotion.”

“All right.” Sebastian stroked his chin. “Tell me something. If you’re all staying up on that mountain out of love, and there’s genuinely no fear involved, why are you so afraid of leaving, even for a few hours?”

“Because it is not the way.”

“That’s not a real answer. Surely your work and rituals can still be done even if you occasionally go out into the real world from time to time. Hell, some of you even do that. But only a select few men.” He tapped his chin. “So what about the rest of you? What’s stopping the women or lesser men from going out, other than fear of punishment for breaking the rules? Or this ridiculous fear of the outside world that gets instilled in you during your childhood?”

“I told you. It isn’t fear. We just respect the founder’s laws. And as I’ve already explained in the past, women earn their protected status as celestial virgins or life-bringers because they areabovemen. They are purer, therefore—”

Sebastian cut me off, lifting a palm. “You know, one of the worst parts of all that fucking brainwashing is that you genuinely believe that bullshit about women being above men, when they’re so clearly below them.”

“It isn’t bullshit!” I snapped, tired of the disrespect. I’d never uttered an outsider curse word until now, and I had to admit, it felt strangely satisfying.

“I don’t know what drugs the Covenant co-founders were on, but they clearly hated women, Rose.”

“No.” I stubbornly shook my head. “They loved women and saw our intrinsic value. And judging by the way you’ve treated me, it’s clear thatyouhate women.”

He laughed. “Listen, sweetheart. I know I’m a man, and that means I probably know jack shit about women’s experiences compared to women themselves. But I do know one thing for sure,” he said. “Four hundred years ago in Europe, when your founders were growing up, women were considered inferior, second-class citizens in every conceivable way. Those views don’t just disappear because the men got on a fucking ship and sailed away to a new land.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

He sighed and rubbed his jaw. “It’s going to take a hell of a lot to reeducate you, isn’t it?”

“I cannot be reeducated. I know the Covenant doctrines are the true path, and I will always know this.”

“You really believe the whole world will end if you don’t attend that ritual of yours in four weeks?”

I lifted my chin and looked him in the eye. “Yes. So you must let me go.”

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