Page 73 of Sinful

My throat was almost closed from the terror lodged in it, but I managed to choke out an answer. “The one on the far left.”

His smile widened. “Not a good choice for you,” he said, eyes flashing with malevolent amusement. “I assume you picked it because it’s smaller than the others, but it’ll actually hurt more than most of them.”

“Another one, then,” I said, panic making my voice rise an octave. “Please!”

“No. You’ve made your selection, and it’s final.” Sebastian picked up the black, multi-tailed whip and strode back over to me, one hand running over my bare skin. My back automatically arched toward him, and I silently cursed myself, hating how my body always craved his touch.

“Please…” I whispered. “Let me go. I’ll do anything.”

“That’s right, baby girl. Beg me.” He trailed the whiptails across my back, making me shiver again. “Soon enough, you’ll be begging for this too. Begging for more punishment. Some part of you loves it.”

Something swooped low in my belly. I fervently shook my head, and Sebastian chuckled, moving his free hand down between my legs. I closed my eyes, instantly knowing and hating what he would find there.

“I knew it,” he muttered, confirming my fear. “You’re wet.”

A humiliated sob escaped my mouth. There was something truly wrong with my mind and body. I shouldn’t feel anything but terror right now, but there was something else swirling amidst that fear.

Sebastian’s proximity to me, the raw hatred in his voice mixed with husky need, and the undeniable power he held over me, knowing he could do absolutely anything to me while I coulddo nothing but endure it… all of it made my sick, twisted mind view him as the very god he claimed to be, turning the cold fear into hot, wicked anticipation. I wanted to serve him. Please him. Worship at his feet.

Stop it,I commanded myself.Stop it now!

“You’re a little whore, aren’t you?” Sebastian said in a low voice. “A real sinner. I wonder if you’re even a virgin like you claim.”

“I am!” I bucked against the cross, struggling with the rope restraints. “I swear!”

“Well, then...” He swiped his fingers through my slick folds again. Then he stepped closer, and I felt a hard bulge in his pants pressing against my body. He was just as aroused as I was right now. “Perhaps you’re so wet because you know this punishment is exactly what you deserve.”

“Please, Sebastian. I don’t deserve it,” I said in a broken whisper. “I’ve never lied to you. I really know nothing about your mother.”

“Yes, you fucking do.” He hit me with the whip without warning, and I shrieked and jolted against my restraints as white-hot pain sliced across my upper back.

Without even giving me time to recover from the first blow, he hit me again, letting the tails lash my lower back this time. “Stop!” I screamed. “Please!”

“No,” he snarled. He rained down two more lashes on my bare skin, and tears flooded my cheeks and rolled into my mouth; so many that I thought I might choke on them. “Not unless you’re ready to admit the truth.”

“I told you the truth!” I shrieked. “We didn’t hurt your mother!”

He whipped me again, and one of the tails snapped all the way around to my front, lashing the underside of my exposedbreast. I gasped and whimpered, knowing I couldn’t take much more of this agony.

As another lash caught my breast, on the edge this time, I remembered a boy from my village. Years ago, he’d accidentally wandered into the wrong area of the surrounding woods, and he’d wound up in an animal trap. A wooden spike had gone all the way through his left leg, and yet, he’d managed to make the two mile walk back to Alderwood.

Later, when I asked him how he’d endured such terrible pain, he told me he’d gone somewhere else in his head. I had no idea what that meant, so I pressed him for more information, and he told me he’d forced himself to think of anything but the pain. He remembered happy times and pretended he was right back there again, in those sweet little moments, and for a while, he even pretended he was another person entirely, watching the injured boy stagger back to the village from above.

If he could do that, I could do it too.May the Entity, my Eternal Master, guide me through these moments.

I sucked in a deep, shaky breath, closed my eyes and disappeared into an old memory—the first time I discovered my favorite berry-picking spot in the woods. I knew no one else ever ventured anywhere near that spot, because it was so close to the boundary fence, but I instantly saw how wonderful it was, filled with luscious, juicy berries of all varieties. Everything was ripe for the picking. I made many delicious jams and pies after that day, and everyone who tasted them was pleased with me, their heaped compliments making me glow with happiness. There was no pain in that memory. Nothing but joy.

Yes… thank you, Master.

“I’ve pictured this in my head for so long,” I heard Sebastian say behind me. His voice sounded distant, and I knew my plan was working. I’d gone somewhere else in my head, and now I wouldn’t have to feel so much pain. “I’ve pictured you tied upand screaming, begging for mercy. It makes me so fucking hard. Beg me again, Rose.”

Even though my mind was mostly elsewhere, his words still registered, and I gasped out the response I knew he wanted. “Please… stop.”

“Tell me what your father did to my mother!”

I felt the whip hit my back again, and I drifted away in my mind once more. This time, I found myself in a memory I’d suppressed for years; one I’d stopped myself from returning to many times.

No, not that,I tried to tell myself, but my mind was already plunging into the darkness.

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