Page 11 of Sinful

Handsome and unmistakably familiar.

My breath caught in my throat. It washim; a man I’d had visions of years ago, all the way up at our boundary fence. The same man who’d silently and secretly threatened my purity with the wanton dreams and impure thoughts he’d caused me to have.

I’d prayed for a very long time after I started seeing him everywhere, and I’d long since realized that he wasn’t real.Couldn’tbe real. Not with that ghastly, touched-by-death appearance. And yet, here he was, his half-skull face a stark, haunting reminder of all the things I’d tried to forget.

Another dancer bumped into me, jolting me back to the present. I blinked, and the tall, skull-faced man was gone, swallowed by the night. I turned and scanned the crowds of dancing and feasting villagers, trying to catch sight of him again, but his devilish face was nowhere to be seen.

I’m seeing things,I realized, touching a hand to my flushed face. It was just the wine and the twirling shadows playing tricks on my mind. I forced out a laugh, shaking off the unease that had clung to me all day like a second skin.

A horn sounded to mark the beginning of Alice’s proving ritual. We all moved closer to the altar to bear witness. She looked nervous, eyes wide and fingers clasped tightly together.

Her role was not as paramount as mine—she would not submit beneath a Tetrad blood moon—but it still held great significance in our community. Next year, after the Tetrad was complete, she would submit to the Entity under a regular blood moon. It was a great honor for her. Every act of devotion and submission helped to keep the Darkness from entering our world.

One of the village healers approached her, commanding her to lie on the altar. My father and the elders looked on, black hoods pulled low over their faces.

Alice’s white gown was lifted, and the healer slid his hand between her thighs. The villagers collectively held their breath, and the clearing fell into a tense silence. My heart was in my throat.

Please, Eternal Master. Let me be wrong about Alice. Let it be that she was just questioning things as any young person would.

The healer raised his head and pulled his hand out from Alice’s gown. “She is pure. Praise the Entity!”

A great cheer erupted from the crowd, echoing through the forest. I joined in, shoulders slumping with relief.

“Praise the Entity,” my father repeated, stepping forward. He lowered his hood and gazed out at the crowd, lips stretching in a wide smile. “It is now time for the fertility rituals. Please, make your way to the hut!”

That meant it was time for the children to leave, so those who were tasked with their care gathered them up and headed back down the path toward the village. Anticipation hung heavy in the air as more torches flared to life, preparing to guide the rest of us to a second clearing that lay down a different path through the woods.

The couples who had been picked for the ritual went first, walking arm-in-arm into the depths of the forest. I watched from the outskirts of the crowd following them, heart heavy with envy and resignation.

A rhythmic chant filled the air as we finally stepped into the second ritual clearing. A large wooden hut lay in the center of this one, instead of a bonfire and altar.

Inside the hut, away from prying eyes, the couples would perform the fertility ritual. First, they had to pray with each other, and then the woman needed to imbibe a sacred elixir that welcomed abundance. One of the healers would work their medicinal magic next, and then, with the blessing of the other villagers echoing throughout the clearing, the couple would emerge to consummate their union in front of everyone.

Almost half of the women would find themselves pregnant within the next few weeks. For them, the ritual had worked its magic. For others, the ritual would fail, and they would need to return to repeat it later. For others still, the path to parenthood remained elusive, no matter how hard they tried. But that was okay. It was the natural order of things. The will of the Entity.

Once the last of the couples had completed their ritual, the rest of the available villagers joined in the drunken, lustful revelry, consummating their relationships all over the clearing—on the grass, up against trees, over logs. The unavailable villagers—like myself—and those who weren’t interested simply drank more wine and observed from the sidelines, chattering amongst themselves.

Another pang of envy twisted in my chest as I watched all the bodies entwining in passionate embraces. I knew my place was to remain pure and submit myself entirely to the Entity’s divine will, but I couldn’t help the feelings from swirling inside me anyway. It didn’t seem fair. Why did the Entity chooseme? Why wouldn’t he allow me to experience the joy of intimacy or the wonders of love?

“You must stop,” I chided myself in a low voice, rising to my feet. I’d enjoyed far too much wine tonight, and I was allowing it to taint my thoughts.

I wasluckythe Entity chose me. My work in Alderwood was of the utmost importance. We were keeping the whole world safe here, and it was my duty to submit to him as part of this work.

“Stop what?”

I turned around, unsteady on my feet, to see my father smiling down at me. Undoubtedly, that smile would fade if he knew what I’d just been thinking.

“Oh… er, I was just telling myself that I need to stop drinking,” I replied, averting my eyes. “I feel a bit sick.”

“Let me walk you home,” Papa said, stretching out an arm. “I’m retiring for the evening myself. I think I may have also had a bit too much wine.”

I couldn’t help but giggle at that. He always seemed so calm and collected, so it was hard to imagine him drunk, even if he claimed to be in such a state.

“You’ve had a lot on your mind tonight,” he said as he interlinked his arm with mine and guided me down the path away from the clearing. “I’ve been watching you. You seem… troubled.”

For a second, I thought about spilling everything to him—the impure thoughts, the skull-faced man I’d frequently fantasized about and drunkenly hallucinated tonight, the jealousy I felt forthe other villagers—but I knew I couldn’t. Not without risking a Confession.

I had to admitsomething,though. He was astute enough to observe my troubled expression, and I knew he wouldn’t stop until he had an answer.

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