Page 19 of Toy

“So all the praying…” Jolie trailed off, her eyes wide.

Martha snorted. “All bullshit. I knew what would happen if I tried to say I knew the truth about the world, or if I ever tried to tell any of the other girls. They’d kill me. So I made everyone see me as some sort of deranged, sanctimonious cult nut instead. That way no one would ever suspect me.”

“You did a damn good job,” I said with a frown. She certainly had me fooled in my short time at New Eden.

“Yeah.” She looked down at her lap, cheeks flushing pink. “I know most of the girls hated me for the way I behaved, and I know everyone always blamed me whenever someone ratted on another person, even though it was never me. But I had to survive, and it was the only way I could. It worked. The men never knew I thought they were full of shit.”

“But whenever we were forced to watch a punishment or execution, you were always right there at the front, looking happy as a clam. You would stare at the girl being punished and pray under your breath. I saw you!” Jolie said insistently.

Martha sighed. “I wasn’t praying to the cult’s god, hoping he’d damn her soul to hell. I was praying to the god I’d been raised with before my parents decided to join your father’s church. The god who would never want such terrible things to happen. I prayed that the girl being punished or killed wouldn’t feel any pain. As for the happy expression… that was just more acting to trick the men.”

“You sure as hell tricked me too,” Jolie mumbled.

“Look, I know I seemed like a total bitch, but I promise, I was just biding my time, hoping that someone would come to help eventually. No one did, though. Every outsider that came to us wound up being a new guy who wanted to join the commune to use and abuse us.” Martha glanced at me. “Even when you showed up, Mason, I assumed you were the same. Until I heard you talking about the plan with Jolie, I had no idea you were actually a good guy. I was so jaded that I thought we’d never get out alive. I was just going through the motions, pretending to believe and wishing I’d drop dead of a heart attack or something. It was hell down there.”

Jolie’s face softened slightly. “So you really never said anything to anyone about what you overheard between us that day?”

“No.” Martha leaned forward. “I swear, I never breathed a word about your plan to the men. I wouldn’t. You were doing something that I was too scared to ever do. You were trying to find a way out for us. I admired you.”

“But I saw you when I poked my head out of the Penance Room. You glared at me before you ran away.”

“It wasn’t a glare,” Martha said, shaking her head. “I was just concerned. I mean, I understood that the Penance Rooms were the only place in the shelter where you could have any real privacy for longer than two minutes, but still, it wasn’t entirely safe. What if one of the men had walked past, and they overheard you? You were lucky it was me instead.” She sighed and shook her head again. “So I wasn’t angry. I was scared for you, Jolie. You too, Mason.”

“If you were on our side, why didn’t you say anything to us about it?”

“I was going to talk to you both the next day,” Martha said. “But then Mason was gone, and you were really sick.”

“I was really messed up on those vitamins they used to give us,” Jolie said with a slight nod.

“Right. Well, after lunch, I tried to ask you about it, but you were still acting really weird and dazed. Then the men all left and the FBI showed up a few hours later, and I figured that was that. We were finally safe.” She paused and sucked her upper lip for a second. “Even though I made myself scarce right away, I really appreciated what you two did for us. We were all saved because of you, and I…” She trailed off and bit her lip. “I owe you my life. I want you to know how grateful I am.”

“I don’t get it. Why did you leave so soon after the rescue? And why didn’t you ever contact anyone?” Jolie asked. “I always thought it was out of guilt, because I assumed you were the one who ratted on all the girls who ended up being punished or killed during our time in the shelter. But that’s not true. So why?”

Martha sniffed, and I realized she was perilously close to tears. “I guess you’re half right,” she mumbled. “I ran away and never spoke to any of the other survivors again because I felt horribly guilty for the things I did. I couldn’t face anyone.”

I frowned. “What do you mean? You said you didn’t do it.”

She looked back up and set her jaw. “I’m talking about how terribly selfish I was. There were other girls who suspected the truth over the years, and they weren’t cowards like me. They didn’t keep it to themselves. They were brave, and they tried to tell everyone. But it always got them killed. Like Elena.” She sniffed again and wiped her face. “I bet you thought I told on her, right?”

“Yes,” Jolie murmured. Tears were gathering in her eyes too.

“I didn’t. I never told on a single girl at New Eden. Ever. But I still knew the truth. If I was brave enough, I could’ve figured out a way to let the other girls know.” She wiped her cheeks again. “But I wasn’t. I was too scared. So I kept up the bullshit pious act. I lied to save my own skin while so many others died.”

Travis slung his arm around her shoulders. “It’s not your fault,” he said soothingly. “You know you probably would’ve been killed by the men if you ever tried to talk, just like all the others who tried.”

“He’s right,” Jolie said, her voice quavering. “Now that you’ve explained it all, I… I understand what you did. Like you said, it was survival.”

I leaned back in my seat as I considered Martha’s heartbreaking story. The guilty expression from earlier made sense now. It wasn’t because she thought we were onto her. It was because she was truly remorseful over her past actions, even though they made perfect sense to me. She was just a terrified little girl back then. No one could ever blame her for the path she chose to keep herself safe.

“Do you believe me?” Martha asked, a tremor in her voice. “It’s okay if you don’t.”

“I believe you,” I said firmly.

“Me too,” Jolie said with a nod. “I’m sorry for hating you for so long. I just…” She trailed off as tears dripped down her face.

“I get it. I was a total bitch, and Elena was your best friend. You thought it was my fault she died,” Martha said. She coughed to clear her throat. “I’m sorry I was so weird and mean back then, and I’m sorry about what happened to her. She never knew it, but I loved her. She was so brave. When she took us up to that church that night and told us what she thought, I wished I could be like her so badly. Then when she was killed, I…” She started sobbing, her face turning puffy and red.

Jolie moved onto the couch next to Martha and slipped her arms around her, hugging her tightly. Travis scooted aside to let it happen. Tears were glistening in his eyes too.

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