Page 49 of Twisted Empire

“I’ve been giving you space about this because I figured you needed time to process it all. But it’s been over a week now, and I really want to know how you’re feeling about it.” He motioned toward my stomach. “The baby.”

Comprehension dawned on me. That’s what the smoothie was about. Ensuring our little embryo got every nutrient it could possibly need to grow.

I sighed. “I don’t know where to begin. I’ve thought about it a lot.”

Elias grabbed one of my hands and squeezed it. “You can start anywhere, Doll,” he said softly. “Why don’t you tell me the strongest thing you feel about it?”

Guilt and shame bit at my guts. I knew a lot of women went absolutely gaga over babies, but honestly, the number one thing I felt about my pregnancy wasn’t joy or excitement. It was fear. Every time I pictured my stomach expanding, I felt like I was shriveling up instead, right into a little ball of teeth, claws, and terror.

“I’m scared,” I admitted, my cheeks turning hot.

“That’s okay. I’d be kinda worried if you weren’tscared,” Elias said, thick brows drawing together.

I looked over his shoulder, staring at one of the fake stained glass windows. “I guess I just never had to worry about this in the past. I was a virgin before I met you, so even though I had a few friends who went through pregnancy scares, I never knew what it was like. Not really. I never even thought about what I’d do if it happened to me, because what was the point? I wasn’t having sex, so…” My voice trailed off.

“I get it.”

“I always wanted to have kids one day,” I went on, still not meeting his eyes. “But I never wanted to get pregnant this early. So I guess I’m way more shocked and terrified than I am happy.” I hesitated for a second, biting my lip. “Does that make me a monster? I mean… aren’t I supposed to be all blissful and glowing instead?”

“Of course not. Don’t feel bad.” Elias squeezed my hand again. “I understand. It’s not like this was planned, and it didn’t exactly happen under the best circumstances, did it?”

I looked at him, finally meeting his gaze. “I’m not saying I don’t want the baby. I’m just saying it scares the living shit out of me. What if we end up stuck here forever? I’ll have to give birth here, and then we’ll have to raise him or her right here as well. What kind of life would that be for a child?”

Elias squared his jaw. “That’s not going to happen.”

“But it could,” I insisted. “I don’t even know how it would work with me giving birth in the shelter. I know there’s a medical center here, but I don’t know the first thing about what to do if there’s complications. I wouldn’t even know if the pregnancy was going well before that, because I have nothing to compare it to. Like… sometimes I get cramps and a bit of nausea, but then it goes away and I feel fine. I’ve read that’s normal, but is it really?” I shook my head and sighed. “God, I just feel so overwhelmed every time I think about it.”

“I suspected you might be feeling that way,” Elias said. “So don’t be mad at me, but I’ve arranged for a doctor to come to the shelter to check you out. He’ll come every few weeks to make sure things are going okay. He’ll even be able to help you give birth if we’re still here in several months, as much as I hope not to be. Unless you decide you want to go down a different path.”

My eyes widened. “Who is it?”

He nodded. “I don’t know if you ever saw him when you were on the island, but it’s Dr. Paulson. He’s trustworthy.”

I gaped at him, stupefied. “You called a Crown and Dagger doctor to come here?”

Elias held up one hand. “It’s not what it sounds like. As I said, he can be trusted. He’s shown me that in the past.”

“He could be playing you.” I swallowed hard, picturing hordes of armed men descending on the shelter, even though it was meant to be impenetrable.

“He’s not. He’s like all those other people in or around the society who have—or had—no idea what’s really going on. He thought the School was just a brothel.”

“He could’ve been lying.”

Elias shook his head. “He wasn’t. He realized there was something fucked up happening in Crown and Dagger before I did, and he’s risked a lot to help me in the past.”

“How so?”

“He’s the one who helped me with the DNA tests when I started to suspect stuff about my biological mother, and he came to me with his concerns when he realized my sample matched Camille Gorham instead of staying silent out of loyalty to my father. He didn’t have to do any of that that, but he did.”

I nervously picked at a chipped nail. “So you told him where we are?”

“No. I know there’s always a chance someone is gonna betray me, even those I’m sure are on my side. So I’m meeting him in Bennington. I’ll blindfold him and drive him here so he doesn’t know where the shelter actually is. If he wants me to trust him completely, he’ll agree to that.”

“What if he has some sort of tracker on him?”

“I’ll search him first, and I’ll make sure we’re not being followed. Don’t worry, I’ve got it covered.”

I exhaled deeply, relaxing back into my chair. “Okay.”

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