Page 15 of Twisted Empire

My brows shot up. “Why?”

“That’s what it’s like in this world for a King. Or any other rich kid. My dad paid off the right people to make all the charges disappear. He also paid off the family of the dead guy to never speak about it. After that, it was like it never happened. Only it did.”

“Oh. Wow.” I exhaled deeply. I couldn’t even imagine getting away with something like that so easily.

“He made it seem like it was the right thing to do. For my future, you know. At the time I figured it made sense. I was a dumbass kid, really. Just turned seventeen. The whole fucking world seemed to revolve around me. But then it just ate away at me. All the guilt. I knew I fucked up, and I couldn’t take it back.”

“That must’ve felt awful.”

He cleared his throat. “I never touched coke or pills again after that. Didn’t even take prescription shit, just in case. But it didn’t help like I thought it would. Nothing did. I started thinking it was meant to happen all along because I’m just that fucked up.”

My forehead puckered. “Why would you think that?”

“Seems to be what I do best, right? I kill people. Maybe not on purpose, but I still do it.”

“No, you don’t.”

He looked at me, squaring his jaw. “I grew up thinking I killed my mother, Tatum. You can guess what that sort of shit does to someone’s mind, right? I always felt like a fucking monster. Never spoke about it, but it was always there, somewhere in the back of my mind.”

I sighed. “I get it.”

“I know now that I didn’t do it, after what I learned today,” he continued. “But I spent all those years thinking I was just born into this messed up existence where all I could do was hurt people. Like that was all I was capable of. That shit fucks you up.”

“I’m so sorry, Elias,” I murmured, reaching over to touch his arm.

He rubbed his forehead. “Even now… I know Camille and Sylvie didn’t die because of anything I did, but they still died because of me. Know what I mean?”

I stiffened. “They died because of your father.”

“Doesn’t really feel that way, though.” He shrugged and went silent. After a moment, he looked up at me again. “So what do you think of me now?” he asked, an edge in his voice. “After all the shit I heaped on you for something you didn’t even do. Like you were nothing but a killer, when really, it was me.”

I wet my cracked lips with my tongue as I gathered my thoughts. Then I put my hand on his arm again. “I think you made a terrible mistake when you were young. But you’re not a monster. You’re not even a bad person.”

“How the hell do you figure that?” he asked, eyes narrowing. “I’ve done a lot of fucking horrible things. Look at how I used to treat you.”

I smiled thinly. I had a feeling he’d say that. “You just made my point for me.”

“Huh?”

“Well, do you think your father ever thought twice about paying off those cops and that guy’s family? Do you think he feels guilty? Not just over that, but over any of the awful things he’s done. Like killing Camille and Sylvie. Or running this whole place, filled with captives and slaves.”

“No. I don’t think he’s capable of feeling bad.”

“Exactly. And do you think any of the other high-level Crown and Dagger guys feel bad about what they do?”

Another shrug. “Doubt it.”

I held up my palms. “There you go. That’s the difference between you and a truly bad person. They don’t feel remorse for any of the shitty things they do, whether it’s purposeful or a mistake. It doesn’t affect them at all. They’re sociopaths.”

He grunted but didn’t say anything.

I squeezed his arm harder. “Believe me, Elias, a monster doesn’t wonder if it’s a monster. It doesn’t even occur to it to care. You do care. So you’re not one of them.”

He rubbed the stubble on his chin. “Never really thought about it that way.”

“You should. Yeah, you made a mistake, and you never paid the price for it. But you’ve obviously spent the last several years feeling like shit over it and beating yourself up. That counts for something, at least, compared to all the other shitty people in the world who wouldn’t even feel an ounce of regret.”

“So you don’t think I’m a total piece of shit?”

---