Page 19 of Black Hearts

“She left me a note before she did it, yes,” he said. “She said she was sorry, and she loved me, but she just couldn’t be here anymore. Not in this world; the sort of world that would sweep someone like her under the rug after all the ways she was brutalized. I was the one who found her in the bath with her wrists slit. I tried to save her, but I couldn’t. And after that, I just... I knew I needed to keep my promise to her. So I decided I wouldn’t stop until I made every last one of them pay for what they did to her and all those other kids. I’ve been trying to finish them ever since.”

“I’m so sorry,” I said, tears streaming down my face again. I ached for him, felt his terrible pain and sadness. “And I’m sorry I never asked.”

“It’s fine. I understand why you didn’t. You were scared,” he said.

I shook my head sorrowfully. “Still… I should have said something.”

“No,” he said in a firm voice, grabbing my hand. “I should have told you about Lina sooner. I should have told you how and why I knew so much about the Circle when no one else even knew they existed. I should have told you why I started going after them in the first place. I held back, and I fucking regret it.”

I reached out to rub his arm. “I get why you didn’t tell me, though. And like you said, you were going to eventually. If I hadn’t snooped around your things and jumped to conclusions, none of this would’ve happened.”

“Maybe, maybe not. But do you understand me now?” He tilted my chin up to meet his. “Do you understand how I know they’re so dangerous? How they can destroy lives and get themselves out of trouble every time?”

I nodded. “Yes. Of course. I’m sorry I didn’t trust you. I can’t… I can’t ever forgive myself,” I murmured, lowering my eyes. “I almost got us both killed.”

“Well, you have to forgive yourself. Your reaction made sense, and no matter what we did, this prick was going to find us and show up last night anyway.” He nodded at Dwyer.

“I guess so.” It was true, but still, I felt an overwhelming sense of culpability.

“I promise from now on—no more holding back. I expect the same from you.”

“You’ll get it. I promise,” I replied.

He smiled, then knelt down and picked up the bracelet that had slipped out along with the photo. “You took this with you when you left,” he murmured softly, clasping it around my left wrist, then raising his hand to smooth my hair again. “Know what that tells me?”

“What?” I said breathlessly.

“It tells me that part of you still loved me and trusted me even when the rest of you couldn’t believe a word I said.”

I nodded. “I wanted to remember you,” I whispered. “Just in case I was wrong… and I’m so glad I was.”

He pulled me into another warm embrace. I breathed in his scent, knowing for sure how wholly and utterly I belonged to him. Mind, body, soul. I was his.

Finally, I pulled away and looked up at him again. “How did you find me here?”

“Your therapist. You were right when you thought no one was hacking into her files. She was a mole for them, leaking information about you to the rest.”

“Oh, god. Really?” My heart skipped a beat. It seemed like almost everyone in the world was in on the Circle at this point. First my father, then Dwyer, now Dr. Fitzgibbons as well. Who would be next? It was crazy.

“Yes. But she was useful in the end, I suppose. She got me here.”

“Is she....?” I tentatively trailed off, leaving the obvious question unstated.

He nodded. “Yes. She’s dead. It was quick.”

“And him?” I looked back at Dwyer, who was still slumped by the table.

Alex’s eyes blazed. “Him? I’m going to fucking kill him too. And that won’t be so quick.”

Myriad thoughts and feelings floated through my mind at the awareness of Dwyer’s impending death, until one idea in particular drowned out the rest with its grim, creeping insistence.

Alex was right all along.

We all had the dark materials inside us; the tinder that only needed one little match struck against it in order to ignite our need to kill. My own need had been well and truly stoked in the last twenty-four hours, and now, I was practically breathing fire.

“No.” I shook my head and stared up at Alex. “I want to do it.”

---