Page 64 of The Final Rose

I try to explain how easy it is with him, but I can’t put it into words. Something connected us from the second we met. It wasn’t on purpose. I need her to get that part.

For years, I got close to the contestants, kept control over the narrative, and remained professional. I knew better than to get attached. But when Anya called me to get my head in the game, I took it as a blow to my heart.

When I finish my mangled tale, Nessa doesn’t say a word for a beat. All I hear are our steps on the grass and a distant bird song. I take a minute to breathe in and out, tilting my head up to the gray skies and chanting a prayer.

“Are you going to do it?” She asks, finally breaking the silence.

I open my eyes and turn to her. “Do what?”

“Trust him to fix it.”

I stop in my tracks with a frown. “That’s all you’re going to say? I’m literally sleeping with the talent. This can ruin my career.”

“Oh, god!” Nessa rubs her face, looking frustrated. “They want us to stay at work all the time, and then it’s a surprise when we fuck at work, too?”

I can’t stop myself from widening my eyes. The harsh words aren’t her style.

“I’m tired of trying so hard to be a robot.” Her shoulders sag. “I gave my whole life to this place. I work hard just to have the privilege of hearing from my family how upset they are because I’m old and childless.” She rolls her eyes. “At some point I get lonely. We all do so--”

She doesn’t say more because I can fill in the blanks. She gave herself to this job. It's hard to keep friends with this job. We have very little free time and a lot of travel to do. We alienate everyone in our lives. Then one day you dare to connect with someone.

“I knew people were going to assume I was sleeping with Adam for the wrong reasons.” She admits being with theshowrunner for the first time. “But we work so well together. It was so good, and I didn’t want the network to take anything else from me. I love my job, and I know you love it too, Callie. But there needs to be a line. We are women working in an unforgivable industry, but sometimes the call comes from inside the house, you know?”

I consider her words. “Do you think I am judging myself?”

She shrugs. “I knowIjudged myself a lot. I kept looking at Adam as the showrunner and not a single man who I liked a lot. A man who made me feel good and had a lot in common with me. I felt so ashamed, like I was truly sleeping to the top, but when I thought about it, if it wasn’t among the crew, when the hell would I have time to date?”

I nod and resume our walk. “You’re right. I get what you’re saying, but this is different. Sebastian isn’t one of the crew. He’s the reason for the show. He’s the Eligible. He's here to fall in love, and it’s not with me.”

Nessa rolls her eyes. “Again, we aren’t robots. Shit happens.”

“He has a contract.” I brace myself. “He needs to choose between three names. Abby, Vera, or Maya.”

“His contract says he needs to choose a name for the finale. No one can enforce that he actually carries on with a relationship afterward.”

I stop again. “You know better than me. It’s the show’s name rolling in the mud. He can’t turn a week after the finale and go out with a producer. I’m going to lose my job.”

“It’s not your fault you fell in love!” She puts her foot down like a badly behaved child.

I face my sneakers, green from all the damp grass stuck on them. Before, I wasn't brave enough to give a name for what I feel about Sebastian. Not when it feels like I’m out of control. Every day is a rollercoaster, fast, gripping me by the throat.

So yeah, maybe I am in love with Sebastian Riggs. But I refuse to say the words while our destiny is uncertain and I’m about to lose him at any second.

“No,” I say as he sits down.

“No?”

“You need to turn around and go.”

Sebastian watches me from above. He waits in the middle of the corridor as the flight attendants are helping the other passengers store their luggage.

“I thought you wanted to spend time with me.”

“I don’t,” I lie.

He sits beside me, anyway. I let a breath go and can’t resist looking right and left to see where the rest of the crew is.

And they are all around us.

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