Page 83 of The Final Rose

I gasp with the rest of my family when it’s Vera’s turn. Her color is emerald green, that much is obvious. At this point, the color is her brand, and I’ll forever associate it with her. The dress is perfect with a daring neckline, as her hair is gathered over her left shoulder, cascading in caramel waves.

She’s the winner, and she looks like it.

I mean, I knew she was, but now, as she walks down the stairs and chats with Alison, I can see it in her posture.

It’s her show. This is her moment.

I’m supposed to be happy to see a finale with so many genuine and amazing people. I should be watching it with the crew over cocktails, relieved it's over and excited for next season.

Happiness is the last thing I feel. My hands shake and a single lonely, pathetic tear falls. I sniffle without meaning to, and one hand reaches for mine at my left and another at my right.

Left, Mom.

Right, Dario.

I nod to reassure them I’m ok, but they never let my hands go. We watch in weighted silence as Abby comes along in a romantic pink number. With the three of them finally there, all I want is to scream.

I never felt as bad about myself ad I feel right now. I feel empty, like I lack something.

And that something might be courage.

“This season would not be the same if it wasn’t for him. The man that this side of the ocean fell in love with… Sebastian Riggs.”

I want to weep.

I would say he looks flawless, but the word lost its meaning. The blue suit matches his eyes. The coy smile breaks my heart. He goes down the stairs in obscene slow motion. His perfect shoes, up his legs, at the expanse of his chest as he fixes the cufflinks, rehearsed moves like the footage from the teaser.

I yelp like a lost puppy and mom’s hand squeezes mine. I’m being dramatic, but I can’t help it. If staying in this house taught me anything, it is that I can be soft when I have my support system behind me.

And I have them right now, holding my hand and not judging me in the slightest slightest. I smile my mom a watery smile, and she kisses me on the cheek.

The next leg of the show are clips of the cast being funny. The many times Abby said the word “vegan”, all times Maya tripped, or Vera talked too fast. And then… Sebastian. They show clips and clips of him being his British self, the words he used that made the cast and crew stop for a second.

Even I have to laugh at some of them. I used to keep a list on my phone of my favorite sayings of his, but since I left the mansion, I didn’t have the heart to look at it again.

I always loved this part of the show when the raw footage was shown. It was Jeff’s decision to add in the season seven finale and I think it’s honestly the best addition for the show.

The footage isn’t always picture-perfect, like the rest of the episodes. It shows us in the background, a rogue boom coming to a scene when someone laughs too hard. But it’s always a nice sample of how the show is made.

By real people.

I’m honestly having fun when the music changes and I almost forget to be nervous. I remind myself I have no reason to be. I know he’ll pick Vera. I was there when it was decided.

And yet, I tremble and suck in a breath.

“You know what’s coming, Sebastian?”Alison asks good-naturedly.“You know I have to ask…”

This is wrong.

It’s too early in the episode. Her question,“Who has the final rose?”comes much later. It’s the last thing on the show. The finale usually drags, giving them time to talk and mislead the public.

“What--” I start, but Dario, of all people, shushes me.

I turn to him with a frown. But Sebastian is talking on TV, and I don’t have time for my brother.

“Who has the final rose?”Alison asks, and I hold my breath.

The camera zooms in on Sebastian, and he looks straight ahead.

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