Page 36 of Keepsake

I rubbed my temple, taking an icy breath as I looked at my view. When I bought this place it was because of this little garden. At the time I only had a couple of chairs. The previous owners didn’t take care of it much, but I saw potential. I hired a landscaper who transformed my balcony to a green wonderland, a paradise in the middle of the city, with Chicago as my view it looked beautiful even during the winter months.

It brought me calm. A symbol that anything could work if I planned hard enough.

I hugged my mid-section and watched the city lights. Maybe some things were out of my control.

“Why do you think Sofia trusted me with this?”

“Lo… are you having second thoughts?”

I shook my head, “Of course not. I just wonder…”

“Because you tried to protect her,” Willa responded. “Because you are an amazing person, and she knew she could trust you with them.”

“I’m not a mother, Willa,” I said. “I don’t have the instincts. I don’t know what I am doing.”

“But you’re figuring it out. You want to be there for those kids. That must mean something.”

“Yeah…” I nodded, not so sure right now.

“Honey, do you want me to come…”

I sniffled a rough laugh. “No. I’m ok. I have to go now, I’ll call you soon, ok?”

“If you’re sure…”

I didn’t let her finish the thought. “Don’t worry, Willa.”

She let me go, but I knew she didn’t want to. What could be said to make the situation better? I was in over my head. And when I wasn’t thinking about how over my head I was, I remembered that Sofia died. That she felt alone, and sad, and she needed help, but none of us were there to give it to her.

The next breath I took, made me glad it was cold, freezing my lungs. I needed something to concentrate on other than my racing thoughts.

“No one is their mother.”

“Shit!”

I swirled around, hands on my chest while I faced Alvaro, who let himself out without me noticing. He wasn’t wearing a jacket, which probably meant he was crazy. He was standing there with his arms crossed over his chest, a big frown on his forehead.

“What?”

He nodded to the phone in my hand. “You said you aren’t a mother, and I’m telling you no one is their mother.”

“But they could be with someone who knows what they are doing.”

“Are you changing your mind?”

Second time in the last ten minutes I was asked that silly question. I rolled my eyes. “No. Let’s go in. You’re going to freeze.”

Alvaro let me pass, but at the last second, he grabbed my elbow and yanked me closer. “I supported you because you cared enough to fight for them. I can change my mind if you’re getting scared.”

I shook him off, tipping my head up to look him right in the eyes. “And do what? The kids belong with me. You can’t do anything. This is not a popularity contest. I don’t need your vote. I thought I did, but you’re not even close to them, are you? So, tell me Alvaro. What good is it to have you by my side?”

Not waiting for a reply, I left him in the cold.

“Hello.It’smeandyou now, buddy.”

Lachlan looked at me for just a second before turning back to the cartoon on the TV.

Dashiell and Vienna were officially enrolled at Lone Pine Academy, a favor that I couldn’t forget to thank Kendra with a basket of some sorts. No one understood how crazy hard it was to get accepted in a prestigious school like that in the middle of the term. They got dressed in their new uniforms and Alvaro drove them this morning.

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