Page 124 of Keepsake

But I never wished for a perfect family. I just wished forafamily. My family.

I turned with a smile when the big man kissed me on the shoulder.

“What’s up with you two?” Dash asked, shoving three gummy bears into his mouth.

“Nothing.” I shrugged.

“Tío looks like shit.”

My mouth gaped open. “That’s it. Vienna go to YouTube and find a song about keeping the language clean so Dash can sing.”

Not many things would interrupt a viewing ofEncantoin this house. Making Dashiell embarrassed was one of the few.

“Come on…” he scoffed.

Vienna paused the movie at once and started her search.

And for the rest of the night, we tried to find something for Dash to sing. Vienna chose the worst songs, Lachlan giggled, and Dash scowled exactly like his uncle.

Alvaro helped me pick one, laughed, and even tried his own rendition of a few tunes. Vienna wondered if we should write one.

And right then, in that moment, we weren’t so broken anymore.

Ilookeddownatmy planner, releasing a slow breath through my nose. The relationship I had with it was a complicated one. I loved being organized, but my lists once drove me to a panic attack after the other.

Plans are to help, not to pressure.

Those were Alvaro’s words. Well, Alvaro’s rules. He knew I couldn’t change that much, but I was supposed to step away if it brought me too much stress.

Everything brought me anxiety before. If it wasn’t the kids, it was my fear of failing Sofia. That ball of pain pulsed against my ribs for many years, telling me I wasn’t enough even as I checked off every box.

Like the kids, I went to therapy. Well, I came back to it after a lifetime of coming and going, so I decided to try one last time. But really put effort into it.

I wanted to be well for the kids, for Alvaro.

Oh, and he had his own therapist, as well as Dash. We all needed it. That was something I realized after it all went down with David and our lives were calm once again.

Healing never stopped. It wasn’t linear, it needed to be an ongoing wish. In honor of Sofia’s memory, we had to do it.

Things got better after that, and worse sometimes. But we knew one bad day didn’t mean a bad life. And we were determined to have a good life.

It took me five years to look at my planners and understand I owned them and not the other way around. Accepting I was a person, and I was better to my family if I was kind to myself.

“You’re staring at the planner again, Jefa. Should I be worried?”

I glanced up to find my husband with his arms crossed over his chest, a smirk on his lips while he watched me from the office’s door.

“I’m just breathing.” I smiled.

He nodded slowly. I knew he trusted me. It was a process and sometimes I liked to take a moment to appreciate how far I’d come. We all did.

“Everyone is ready,” he let me know.

I rose from the chair, smoothing my clothes as I went. “Does that mean the kids are locked in the car downstairs?” I joked.

“I wish.” He chuckled when I came closer, on my tiptoes to give him a soft kiss on the lips, which he turned into something dirty quickly.

“They’re going to your parents’ tonight.” I said between his lips. “We can play.”

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