Page 83 of Keepsake

We were halfway into the movie when he moved, turning his body to mine and stretching his arms over the back of the couch.

“I saw your face when the kids were in bed with you, Jefa.”

I smiled. “I know.”

“You were so fucking happy. You really want this, don’t you?”

Maybe it was the wine, but I looked him dead in the eyes and nodded. “I really want this. Even if—”

“Tell me.”

I brought my legs up and hugged my knees. “Aren’t you tired of my secrets?”

“Jamás.”

Before I could laugh it off, he reached over, his arm on my back dragging me to his side of the couch. Like it wasn’t a big deal, he moved me completely, like I was a little doll he was allowed to play with.

My legs over his lap, my whole body was beside his.

“Tell me,” he asked again.

Warmth spreading over my chest, I tilted my head with a smile playing on my lips, “You’re going to miss it, you know? It’s easy to see people as a cardboard version of themselves. But you keep prying me open and I’ll be a complete human. And then what, Alvaro? What are you going to do when I’m just completely flawed, like everyone else?”

His eyes traced my features. From the curve of my cheek to one eye and the other. “I don’t know what I am going to do with you, Logan.”

I sensed vulnerability in his tone, raising all the hairs on the back of my neck. The words flew out of me.

“I always had a lot of pain.” I swallowed, deciding to just rip the band aid off. “I spent my twenties in and out of surgery until they took it all from me. The doctor said it was endometriosis.”

“What does that mean?” A crease formed between his brows.

“I can’t have children.”

I stopped for a second, not sure how I could connect the dots of my convoluted thoughts.

“Growing up, my home life wasn’t… Caridad always hated me because she thought with my influence Sofia would want things she couldn’t give her, but the truth was—I was the one wishing for things I couldn’t have.” An empty chuckle left me. “I wanted love, a warm family. I always wished for a family like Sofia’s. Like yours. I thought I was going to get the chance by making my own family and then...” I took a big breath, preferring to look down at my lap instead of at the man in front of me. “I just wanted to be somebody’s mom. I wanted to be the family for a child who needed one as well so we could be there for one another. I wanted it so bad that sometimes I feel like my envy…”

I squeezed my eyes shut. That part was hard. Embarrassing. It wasn’t like I did anything. I didn’t. But all the feelings were so messed up inside.

“I loved her with all my heart, Alvaro,” I tried to explain. “She was the only person who ever loved me for who I am. My parents like the idea of who I could be, not the real Logan. My dates liked my last name, my status. Sofia didn’t give a crap about any of that. She knew me. And I feel so guilty, because I want the kids. I want them so bad.”

The tears rolled down my cheeks and, taking all the courage I had, I looked up and faced him. “I want to care for them. I want to love them. But Alvaro…” I hiccupped. “I feel so guilty because it feels like I took them from her. I know she asked me to take care of them, but still. I just want them so bad sometimes I don’t know if it was my will who got them to me. Now I have everything I’ve ever wanted, but Sofia is dead.”

Loganwasright.Lifewas easier when people were just a cardboard version of themselves. She was complete in my eyes now. All those little parts of her were transparent, even the ones she didn’t want to show.

She looked at me with eyes full of tears, hands trembling, and I did the only thing I could. I brought her to my chest and kissed her hair.

My guilt mixed with hers, the poisonous vice gripping our hearts and bringing us together.

Feeling sick to my stomach, I thought of how badly I let my mother treat Logan, even when she was the only one who tried to be there for Sofia. Logan gripped my T-shirt, pulling herself closer, her face buried in my chest.

The woman in my arms was all goodness, and I wanted to rip the world apart for her. End every person who ever put the idea in her head that she was unlikable.

This girl?

No.

“I don’t know who the hell told you’re not likable, Logan Hart. You’re probably the only thing about this goddamn earth I like.”

---