Page 40 of Bring me Back

I took the bags over my shoulder even when Hallie protested saying she could carry them. I ignored her and stalked through the halls, Spencer on our heels. We said our goodbyes once more as I loaded the bags on my truck, waving to Spencer Handall and her rundown car. A cloud of smoke rose when she turned it on. Hallie and I watched her disappear into the street.

“Don’t get a car if it’s one like that.” I warned her.

She looked at me over her shoulder, laughed and rolled her eyes. Sassy, just how I liked her.

“Should I be worried?”

Dad asked, after turning on the coffeemaker and leaning back on the counter. I felt his gaze weigh on me as I absentmindedly drew one of the costumes, my feet curled up under my body and my back hunched over the kitchen table.

“Bug?”

I finished tracing the shoulder and moved my eyes to him. “What do you mean, dad?”

“I’m worried,” he sighed, rubbing one hand on his face. “I’ve been waiting for you to open up to me. I’m giving you space but…”

Uncurling my back, I slid the drawing to the side as my feet fell on the floor with a thud. “I told you I was ok.”

“Since you were a teenager you talked about leaving, Hallie. Jesus, I wanted you to stay, but I was trying to be a good dad. I knew if your mom were here, she would like you to fly high.”

I licked my lips. “Are you disappointed I’m back?”

He was quick; in a second he was leaning on the counter, in the other he was rushing to sit on the chair across the table. “Of course not.”

“I don’t understand, then.”

“You were out there in the city and then one day you called me and asked if you could come back home. Hallie, you can always come back home. But…”

I wasn’t sure what could I say. I didn’t want to upset him, but the truth was, that wasn’t me who was so adamant about leaving Bluehaven. People kept saying it was my best shot. Every time a kid was mean to me, all the times I felt isolated in the middle of a crowd. There was always a teacher there, with kind eyes promising me that things were going to get better. I was going to a good college and would find my own people and forget all about our small town.

I didn’t want to confess to Dad that leaving wasn’t my idea. I was lost and alone and in need of direction, and that was the direction they gave me. Not because they were mean, no. Mrs. Carr was one of the people who told me things were going to be better once I left. They were just trying to be kind.

“I just want to know what’s happening,” he insisted. “What’s next for you? I want to know.”

“I don’t know what’s next, dad,” I told him sincerely. “But nothing bad happened. I went out there, I lived whatever was to be lived and…”

“Was it good?”

I opened a small affectionate smile. To my widowed father, who paid my college fees with his hard work at the hardware store, I would never say college wasn’t what I thought it was going to be. I would never say I felt alone most of the nights and wrong most of the days.

“Yes, it was perfect. But at some point, I needed a plan, you know? And I didn’t see myself living there in the long run.”

“So you came home.” He nodded, calming himself.

He had a reason to be worried. I simply called him one night and told him I was giving my apartment back and if it was ok for me to stay in Bluehaven for a while. He went to the city, saw the building I was living in and then helped me bring a few things to the school and say goodbye to Ms. Handall. On our way back, I was quiet and stiff. I was scared.

Moving back to Bluehaven after five years away felt like a lot and a little at the same time. My stomach lunged when I saw the town’s name on the signs. I bit my cheek until it hurt when the car passed Main Street.

It took me five years away to understand I wasn’t a reflection of the town I was raised in. Five years for me to accept myself, love myself in the shyest way, and right when it was still raw, I came back to face my biggest fear. But it had to be done, because I needed to see that I was Hallie Delos Santos and that was enough anywhere in the world. And the only way for me to be at peace was if I came back.

But I said none of that to him.

He didn’t deserve to hear how this town treated me. I feared the day he’d find out about theincident.My dad was just forty-five years old, and he already lost the love of his life and raised a child all on his own. He was born and raised in Bluehaven; the store and this house was all he had. He didn’t deserve to resent it as I did. I wanted him to see me as the kid who left for college because she was smart enough to be accepted, not because she needed to run away.

“I don’t know what my plans are moving forward…” I said carefully. “I like working with theater, though. I know I’m only sewing a few things for the local school, but I really enjoy making costumes. I’m taking pictures for my portfolio. So, you know, I’m not here wasting my life.”

Not that I’d ever think working at Torres’ was wasting my life. But Dad was proud of my diploma and he wanted me to do good things with it. I knew he didn’t want me to give up, so I would never.

Dad grunted. “Daniel Miller said the same.”

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