Page 86 of Love me, Maddie Mendoza

“You should talk to her.” Jason stated.

“No.” Nick went against drawing attention of us both. “He should know what he wants first. If you’re into her…that’s great. You and Maddie do everything else together already. But don’t start talking before you know for sure…”

“Maybe they can figure it out together.” Jason offered.

“It will just upset her.” Nick pressed. “If you decide you like her that way but you don’t want to go there, why even say anything?” He shrugged. “You better stay quiet.”

“And what’s the difference?” I wanted to know. I was leaning toward never mentioning it to her. I knew I couldn’t sort through my own feelings, so I’d never drag Maddie into my mess. But more than that, I wasn’t a great boyfriend. I was a much better friend.

“Because you’ll know.” Nick said in a voice that could only draw from experience. “It’s one thing to be deprived of something, throwing one tantrum after the other. Another is to know. Make the decision.”

Jason opened his mouth like he’d love to argue very much, but I was nodding already to Nick’s advice. I never confirmed that I wanted Maddie, but they were my closest friends. It didn’t seem like they needed confirmation. I had to man up and decide on my own. Only then could I be at peace.

I didn’t wait for Jason’s gavel to announce the end of the so-called intervention. Nodding, I let go of the pretense and limped from the table to the fridge, making my two friends sigh. I got an ice pack from the freezer and limped my way to my bedroom.

I rubbed my face and iced my knee, lost in the thoughts I tried to hide.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. I wanted Maddie. I wanted her so much I ached. My hands trembled and my vision blurred. I had no idea when it happened or why, but it was simple, like everything between us had always been.

Our friendship was always there. Existing beyond our wants, it tangled between us like the branches of our trees.

Now it changed, and I was stuck between the branches.

I wanted Maddie Mendoza.

Idigested my feelings for three days.

In those three days, my knee did not recover quickly like it once did, so I refrained from pushing it further.

In those three days, I lived and breathed Maddie Mendoza. We went to classes and prepared meals together. We watched movies and laughed until she fell asleep in my arms.

Nick was right. Knowing changed everything. I didn’t wonder anymore why every move she made was mesmerizing to me. I accepted it. I tucked all my feelings inside and kept being the good friend I knew I could be.

“Ok, so I heard about this super gross movie with clowns with a bunch of eyes.” She announced, coming in with her backpack after class.

I had the last period free, so I took time to have a shower and relax. Maddie smiled brightly at me, throwing her orange hat to one side and her books to the other. She said, “Ta-da.”

“Clowns?” I asked. She bobbed her head.

I chuckled. “I was thinking pizza, so yeah… multiple eyed clowns will do just fine.”

She beamed and wagged her finger. “Get me a Hawaiian while I hop in the shower?”

I scrunched my nose but nodded. Maddie’s taste in pizza aside, we were set for a great night.

She had her shower while I ordered the pizza. Neither of us suggested going to the kitchen to share with the boys. She usually sat on her mattress by my bed, we talked exactly the way we always talked and then, after she went up to grab a bottle of water or brush her teeth, on her way back, she went to my bed instead of the floor.

Today wasn’t any different.

We placed the pizza box handy for both of us. She sat with her legs crossed in her mattress, and I rested back with my arm behind my head, watching the creepy clown movie she selected.

I’d not talked about my feelings with Maddie. I needed to be realistic, we were safe in our little bubble. It was better just to enjoy each other as much as we could, and then, when the storm came - because it would come- I’d be ready for that.

After the movie, Maddie came in with her little shorts and a tank, her hair in two braids and instead of stopping on her bed, she slid straight into mine. It was a warm night. I had a soft sheet partially over my leg, but I wasn’t completely covered. I opened my arms to her as she approached, turning to sit on the bed and cuddle her in my arms, her face away from me. I fixed my eyes on the TV. It didn’t matter if I slept with her once or a million times over. Every time she got into bed with me, my whole body paid attention.

I turned the volume a little lower. I was suddenly too awake, and it was going to take time and distraction to get myself to sleep.

The TV hummed with a sitcom. I wasn’t really paying any attention. Maddie shifted closer, getting comfortable. My arm bent down and she hugged it, her face on the crook of my elbow, my hand now on her belly and she shifted her legs, her torso almost on top of my hand.

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