Page 59 of Love me, Maddie Mendoza

“We have to go home, Z.”

We. Us.

Never alone.

I drove us back to number thirty-five, Orchid Street. To my side, Maddie sat quietly, watching the streets pass by, her head resting on the window. She never doubted I’d come with her. We both knew that I’d follow her to hell, and this was it to Maddie.

She was yet to say a word since we got into the car. It was funny how I could name all her expressions, imagine all her reactions, even the ones she was yet to have, but I never knew she could look so lost. André said little on the phone. He only explained Xiomara hadn’t been feeling well for a while and they’d been in and out of doctors to investigate.

Everything else was a mystery.

So we drove.

Our small town wasn’t far from campus, but it was still two long hours of fear and silence

I put the radio on, trying to distract us. I knew Maddie was lost in thought, but I also knew music was the only thing that might take the pressure away. Not long after, she took a long, deep breath.

Our old street was completely dark after ten o’clock. I , parked right in the middle between the front lawns. To one side, dad’s truck, and to the other, André’s sensible car. My hand found Maddie’s, and I squeezed it. I couldn’t go in with her. She needed to be alone with her family. But I still felt the horrible weight of being useless. Whatever was waiting beyond the door, it was going to hurt Maddie like a motherfucker, and I couldn’t do one thing to stop it.

Mom and dad weren’t surprised by my late arrival. They were watching a movie in the living room, but as soon as I let myself in the hall, mom rushed in, biting her lip with a somber expression.

“They called her.” She guessed.

I nodded. Mom rubbed her hands together. “How’s Maddie?”

I sighed, coming to the kitchen. I took a seat as I rubbed my temple in thought. “I don’t know. She’s worried. We drove back the minute André called.”

Mom turned around and searched dad’s face. He also had abandoned the movie and came to lean on the banister between the rooms. Dad was an easy-going guy, but in times of crisis, he wasn’t the easiest person to read.

“They never wanted to hide it from Maddie,” Mom said when dad remained in silence. “They just wanted to be sure what was happening.”

I got it, even if I didn’t. Sometimes uncertainty was scary enough. It was the rational thing to do, but if I knew anything about Maddie, she wouldn’t rationalize it.

“She’s there now,” I said, instead of voicing my concerns.

“It will be ok, you know?” Mom insisted. She quickly blinked tears away.

Xiomara was my best friend’s mother and my mother’s best friend. She meant too much to all of us. Happiness was a house of cards. One of our queens was trembling, and the fear of the fall gripped me by the throat. I shook away the morbid thoughts.

“Do you want anything to eat?” Mom stood up in a jump, going to the fridge. “Dinner?”

I nodded. “Yeah, I’d take a plate if that’s ok.”

Mom scoffed. She raised me to be polite, but to her, feeding me was never a chore. Mom and Xiomara used to say I was a pleasure to feed. A child that would eat anything without complaining.

Mom worked on getting me a plate of food, and I breathed in and out, calming my heart. My palms itched from being away from Maddie. I barely could contain my body. I wanted to go to her.

Instead, I sat down quietly. Dad had a grip on my shoulder for a second too long, but he said nothing. His silence was unnerving, too.

The movie played to no one, but none of us made a move to turn it off. It helped with the silence. I ate, and my parents watched. I refrained from asking them how much they knew about the situation. It was best for Maddie to tell me. When the plate was empty, mom took it away with a sniff. “It will be ok.” She repeated to herself.

We fought over who got to wash the dishes, but she won and I got a sense that it was less about caring for me and more about having something to do with her hands.

Soon, I had no other options but to go to sleep. I sat on my childhood bed, my elbows going to my knees as I stared at my own shoes. Air lodged in my lungs. I would’ve stayed frozen if the flickering of light in the neighbor’s house didn’t bring me back to life.

I turned my head and stared at Maddie’s window. My heart lunged when I saw Maddie’s face. Blotchy, red eyes. She was crying.

Maddie rubbed her face like it hurt to be so upset. With the bag I packed for her on top of the bed, she rummaged through it until she found a set of pajamas.

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