Page 103 of Love me, Maddie Mendoza

Jesus Christ, she did. I felt it all over my body. Something snapped. She was barely done, and I was following her.

Like air was lacking, I collapsed on top of her feeling her chest rise and fall rapidly under me. I rolled to the side, giving her space. We watched my ceiling, panting, and sated.

“Mom has cancer."

“Mom has cancer.”

She licked her upper lip, finding the words between heavy breathing. The condom was still on me, and she was saying everything I didn’t want to hear.

“That’s why they wanted to have a party. Mom wanted to celebrate while there’s still a reason to celebrate.”

Cancer wasn’t exactly a good reason for celebration, but I got what she meant. A time with family and friends before….

“I thought they removed everything.”

Maddie nodded. “And the tests came back positive.”

I shook my head. Should her words make more sense than they were making right now? I stood up, quickly got rid of the condom, and put my shorts back on. It seemed like the type of conversation I had to be dressed for.

“Maddie, I don’t understand.”

The prickling sensation down my neck told me I should understand more. I let myself believe in the best-case scenario. Now, I was blindsided.

Maddie sat up on the bed, still naked, drawing her knees close. She rested her face on them. “It seemed like it was all removed, but they wouldn’t be sure if it was benign or malignant without a pathology examination. The surgery was successful.”

The word successful felt flat on her tongue and we both could taste it. I sat on the bed, close, but miles away from her at the same time.

“It came back as malignant. Which means the big C.” She wrinkled her nose. “The other C word. Not cunt.” She chuckled sadly. I couldn’t follow her.

My frown grew. Maddie kept talking. “It’s so cruel. We got her healthy after the surgery. It really felt like we were out of the woods. Tumor might cause problems if blocks a vessel or whatever but it doesn’t spread. But cancer…”

That part I understood, Nick explained it to me. She was right. It felt cruel. We were led to believe everything was ok just to fall right back in.

“What… What happens now?”

Maddie opened her mouth and closed it again. It took a minute of watching her naked and sticky with sweat to realize she didn’t have an answer for me.

“Will you hold me?” she asked.

A stiff nod sealed the deal. I slid under the covers and took her, tangling our legs together. And I held her, strong and patient, while I heard her breathing go from erratic and shallow to calm as she fell asleep.

I turned all the lights off and laid there in the dark. My mind swirled around. I chased one thought after the other but nothing made sense.

When the morning came, I was still wide awake.

At nine in the morning, she was still asleep. When we slept together at Orchid Street, we were always careful to jump back to our own rooms first thing in the morning. I’d think she wanted to do it, especially with a house full of relatives, but no. She slept soundly while I turned from her and Googled colon cancer like a maniac.

My search scared me more than anything, and I gave up. I snuck out of my own room and found mom and dad in the kitchen having their breakfast.

“Eggs?” mom asked without even looking in my direction.

“Please.” I rubbed my face and served myself from the coffeepot.

“Maddie’s gone?” she asked while cracking more eggs into the pan.

“Sleeping.” And drawing a breath, I asked. “Did you know about the diagnosis?”

Dad was reading a newspaper, like an old fashion dad in a tv show. He lowered the pages to watch between mom and me, as she left the spatula on the counter and those intense eyes zeroed in me.

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