Maddie proved she knew all the words of the third Lil Nas X song. Laughing and howling every time she got a particular section right. For someone who gets the best grades of her classes, this was her real pride and joy.
I tapped the steering wheel to the rhythm, singing but with way less enthusiasm. She moved her butt on the passenger seat as she danced like it was a club and not my car heading toward Orchid Street.
It was Xiomara Mendoza’s birthday. Usually, we just sent gifts and called her, but considering recent events, they decided to host a party. The whole family was involved - no surprises there- and I was promised tía Silvia’s food, so I happily drove us back.
Maddie’s presents were ambitious and thoughtful. I helped her wrap like it was Christmas, anything to get distracted from my thoughts.
We settled in our new normal. I was painfully aware of everything about her, and she went around with a smile that only made me crave for her even more. My heart skipped a beat every time I pulled the thread of us. Maddie used to be my safe place, the constant of my life. And now, she was so much more, leaving me in a dangerous position.
I ached for her. I longed for all the things she never promised me. Her terrified voice confining in Aisha still haunted me. A heavy reminder that those complicated feelings had no place in my chest.
“Leave your window open, ok?” she said, taking her little backpack from the back seat once we arrived.
“What?” I asked distractedly.
“Your window.” She continued, taking the bag of presents with her and closing the door with her hips. “I think my aunts are sleeping over.”
“Ok.” I replied.
It was far from ok. For the last week since the party, I worked hard to keep my distance. I stayed late watching movies I didn’t want to watch with Jason. I went for punishing runs and spent too much time in the gym. My joints complained, but I was past caring. Avoiding Maddie became my mission in life, and now…
And now it was all going down the drain.
Because we were on Orchid Street, and Maddie was going to jump to my window. And what choice did I have? Lock it and leave her out?
Her smile fell when she saw my expression, “Are you ok?”
“Yeah, yeah.” I forced myself to say. “I’m just…” I pointed to number thirty-three, too lost to say complete sentences.
Maddie nodded, “Ok, sure, go say hi to your parents. See you soon, Z.” I stared at the door long after she went in.
I tried to shake it off when I got inside my parent’s house. I called for them, but no one replied. After going to check the living room and kitchen, I found dad in the backyard. Tools to his right side as he fixed the patio’s rotten spots.
“Zeek!” Dad called when he heard the back door.
“Hey, dad. Where’s mom?”
“Next door. I think her sisters are around so…” Mom was over there trying to be a good friend, of course.
“Is Maddie with you?”
I left my bag by the back door, and walked to the end of the patio, sitting down just beside dad’s tools. I rubbed my face. “Yep. I drove us.”
“Good, good.”
I said nothing as dad kept working. He had a natural talent for fixing things around the house. He used to say it calmed him. I looked a lot like him. He was two shades darker, but everything else looked the same. Our tight curly hair on top of our heads, deep rich brown eyes and the way our frown set when we were thinking too much.
Dad crossed his arms over his chest. I felt the awareness of his gaze. Before he asked me what was going on, I asked him the question plaguing me.
“Do you believe in fate, dad?”
It was a silly, ludicrous question, but if I was ever going to ask, it needed to be to dad. He was a true romantic, after all.
“Fate?” he asked, surprised.
My eyes traced the yard, the memories and secrets of my childhood right in front of my eyes. I looked everywhere but at the man in front of me. “Destiny. Do you believe things are somewhat written?” I swallowed.
“What would be written?”