Page 46 of I Will Mend You

Someone turns on the dry ice, filling the set with fog, which mingles with the stifling heat emanating from the tub. Chills crawl over my skin, and my head swims. I sway on my feet, panting like a dog while the entire set spins in a kaleidoscope of whites and greens and stainless steel.

“Amethyst?” Xero’s voice echoes through my skull.

Someone else repeats my name, but I collapse, hitting the floor with a thud.

“What the fuck is this?” Dolly’s voice rips through my brain fog. “What’s wrong with her?”

Locke crouches at my side. “She’s fainted. How unprofessional.”

“Get her up!”

Rough hands haul me to my feet. I sway from side to side before my legs collapse, and my knees hit the painted floor.

“Grunt, I gave you one job,” Dolly says, her voice turning to ice. “Keep her fed and watered. How the hell is she supposed to perform if she can’t stand?”

“Last time I checked on her, she hadn’t touched her food or water,” Seth adds.

“When did she last eat?” Dolly screeches.

I remain on the floor, breathing hard, while the set whirls and spins into chaos. Men surround us, pointing fingers at Grunt who they blame for my weakened state, with Grunt arguing back that it wasn’t his choice to feed me gruel.

As the men break out into a scuffle, I crawl to the set’s farthest corner and crouch beside a rusty table. The dry ice gets turned off, with the only source of steam rolling off the bathtubs. Barrett, Locke, and Seth crowd around Grunt like a pack of bullies, with Dolly at their backs, dressed as Florence Nightingale. The stagehands stop working to gather around the edge of the set and watch the spectacle. This is chaos, with Grunt as the target for all the hate.

“Teach him a lesson,” Dolly screams.

Grunt shoves Barrett aside and tries to run, but the other men grab his arms. Barrett springs to his feet and punches Grunt in the throat. The others join the attack, punching, kicking, and shoving Grunt until he falls backward into one of the baths.

Hot fluid splashes out in a wave, hitting us all. My skin tingles and burns from the boiling water. The crew scatters, abandoning their equipment, but I’m frozen in place. I can’t tearmy eyes away from Grunt, thrashing and screaming. My heart pounds, my breath catching, paralyzed by the horror.

His screams ring across the set, mingled with Dolly’s shrill laughter. Guilt claws at my chest and burrows its way into my heart with the savagery of a beast. I did this. Grunt was punished because I wouldn’t eat the gruel.

Dolly turns to me, her eyes glinting with malice, her lips curling into a cruel smirk. Stomach clenching, I swallow back a wave of nausea and force my gaze to the painted floor.

“See what we can salvage from the shot. We still need more B-roll footage. Someone grab that stupid bitch and prepare her for force feeding.”

NINETEEN

Sunday July 11, 2010

The girls returned on Monday morning with one of their counselors, who has agreed to stay with us until we find a suitable candidate for their care.

Her name is Charlotte. She’s twenty-two, blonde, five-ten, and looks like she just walked off a runway. She has a degree in child psychology and a soft spot for Dolly.

Amy has returned withdrawn, barely able to leave her room. She reads the same book of fairy tales over and over. The girls no longer fight, but the silence between them is unsettling.

No matter how much I ask, Amy won’t tell me what’s wrong. I asked if Dolly bullied her, and she shook her head. I asked if she was happy to be home, and she shrugged.

Dolly, on the other hand, is blossoming under Charlotte’s care. The pair of them spend hours playing in the park. They were both enthusiastic when I suggested Amy join them, but Amy simply recoiled.

I spoke to Lyle about the changes, but he’s confused. Isn’t this what I wanted? An end to the warfare, and someone to helpwith the twins so I wouldn’t be overwhelmed? It is, but not like this.

Dr. Forster recommends therapy for Amy and has referred her to a professional who specializes in children. He thinks the silence is a symptom of a much deeper issue. She could be envious of Dolly’s connection with Charlotte or worried about the baby. It could be anything.

Meanwhile, the pregnancy continues to take its toll. My blood pressure is constantly high. Some nights, I wake up in a panic, gasping for air. Other nights, I dream that I’m back with Giorgi. Then memories of the violence return with vivid clarity until Lyle wakes me up, reminding me that I’m safe.

Dr. Forster says nightmares like this are normal due to past trauma and suggests meditation. I plan on including Amy in these sessions to bring her out of her shell.

My ob-gyn has put me on new medications and complete bed rest. I need to avoid strenuous physical activity, prolonged standing, and sex.

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