Page 106 of I Will Mend You

The conversation lulls, and she leans on my arm, her eyelids drooping. Myra glances over at us from the other side of the fire pit and smiles. She may have reservations about her best friend being involved with a mass murderer, but she doesn’t know the extent of Amethyst’s darkness.

Amethyst slides her hand over mine, and the touch of her fingers infuses my veins with hope. Hope that she’s on the way to recovery. Hope that she will overcome her tragic past and will still want me in her future.

As the fire dances and crackles in the pit, I gaze down into the curls nestled against my shoulder and wrap an arm around her waist. Inhaling her peach-and-vanilla scent, I luxuriate in this moment.

No matter what, she’ll always be mine, and I’ll follow her to the ends of the earth. I’ll wait an eternity for my little ghost to return. And when that day comes, I’ll cherish her with every fiber of my being.

Clouds drift over the sun, bringing with them a shadow of doubt. I tighten my hold on Amethyst, wanting to freeze time and keep her here, safe and unaware of the darkness that binds our souls.

This might be our last moment of closeness for a long time after she discovers how deeply connected I am to her trauma.

FIFTY-SIX

AMETHYST

I gaze into the fire, wishing it would both blaze through my memories and burn down the blocks around my past.

Nestling into Xero’s side is so comforting that it almost feels like a dream. I don’t remember the compound hallucination of him at the asylum having a heartbeat or such detailed skin. I slide my fingers over the back of his hand, feeling the outline of scars, bones, and raised veins beneath his warm, living flesh. The sensation is grounding, another reminder that he’s real.

His muscles contract under my touch, and his breath catches. It’s a small reaction that fills me with a thrill of satisfaction. He isn’t just real. He’s human. And despite suspecting I’ve been tainted, he’s still attracted to me.

As I trace the lines on Xero’s hand, my mind drifts to the asylum. The darkness of those days still clings to my mind, a shadow I can’t shake. But here, in this moment, with his warmth at my side, I almost believe in a future where I’m whole.

He answers one of Myra’s questions in a soft baritone that wraps around my senses like a comforting shroud. I could listento his voice all day. It reminds me of another world when he was just a fantasy on the other side of the phone.

The fire’s glow flickers toward the darkening sky, casting dancing shadows that mimic the turmoil in my heart. Cool air mingles with the scent of pine and burning wood, creating a cocoon of safety within the chaos of my thoughts.

As the sun dips behind the trees, Isabel excuses herself and rises, then Camila says it’s time to drive Myra back to her apartment.

My best friend walks around the fire pit to give me a tight hug. I’m immediately transported to sleepy mornings when she would stay over at my place to decompress after a disastrous double date.

“Thank you, Amy,” she murmurs, her voice laced with gratitude. “I hope you feel better soon.”

Tears glisten in her eyes as she pulls away from our embrace, and my throat thickens. Our relationship has changed. We’re both going in completely different directions. Myra is about to embark on an exciting new career as a literary agent with her own bookstore. I can’t move forward while Delta and Dolly still live.

It takes every effort to focus on the positive, on how proud I am of my best friend, but I can’t ignore that this is the end of an era.

I smile, trying to hold back tears. “Thanks for coming. I missed you so much.”

She squeezes me once more, as if she knows this marks the change in our friendship, and draws back, committing my face to memory. With a sigh, she turns to Xero. “Thanks for lunch. You better take care of my girl.”

“Always,” he replies with a conviction that makes my heart flutter.

I used to think the most thrilling thing in the world was his attention. Now, what truly sends shivers down my spine is his care. The depth of his commitment is overwhelming, and for a moment, the gratitude I feel toward him morphs into fear.

What if I’m not enough? What if I’m too damaged to reciprocate? What if I can’t meet his expectations—the ones I set up during our morning calls when he was in prison? My stomach lurches at the thought of that sex contract. I’m no longer that woman. Nothing about the fantasies I once craved is even remotely appealing.

Myra and Camila disappear around the corner, leaving me alone with Xero and the flames. Firelight flickers across his chiseled features, casting patterns that make him appear god-like.

“Want me to warm up those balls?” he asks with a hint of a smirk. His gaze intensifies, his irises reflecting molten gold.

A laugh bubbles up in my chest. “That depends on if they’re dipped in breadcrumbs.”

His smirk widens into a broad grin. “How are you feeling?”

I take a deep breath, gathering my thoughts. “Overwhelmed. Seeing Myra was wonderful, but it also reminded me of everything I’ve been missing.”

His expression softens, and he shifts closer on the bench, his body heat shielding me from the encroaching chill. “You’ve been through hell. This is your time to heal.”

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