Page 127 of Breakneck Hockey

Casey finds my forearm, the one with the date it happened. His energy seeps into me, nulling the ever-present ache.

“I heard every crunch of bone, every splat of his damn organs. He was trying not to scream for my sake, but a few times he couldn’t help it. Those screams still ring through my insides sometimes. I hate that I did nothing. I’ll hate it forever. I get that I was just a little boy, and I’d tell anyone else the same thing they tell me—that I don’t need to regret staying under that bed. The only way I can make it right is to protect everyone else.”

I already know I have survivor’s guilt, especially because I did nothing. Adult me understands that Dad would have rather kept me safe, but I’m tired of people saying it. I wait for Casey’s response, praying he doesn’t hit me with some kind of bullshit like that.

“Tell me, Sutter. How long did Teenage Sutter spend hellbent on a revenge vendetta? Or wait, are you still there? Have I joined a quest?”

I laugh. I laugh into his hair. I laugh while I squeeze him. I laugh so hard it hurts my guts. He’s Goddamn perfect.

I fucking love you, Alderchuck.

Nothing’s ever gonna make that night okay for me. Not revenge, not platitudes, not even the best therapy money can buy. The real key is good-feeling thoughts, bounding from one to the next. Casey’s full of them. My ultimate source of good-feeling thoughts.

“A long time. I was always a big fan of Inigo Montoya in The Princess Bride.”

“You are Inigo Montoya, babe.”

I kiss his crown and let my lips rest there. I built it up to being a huge thing but, now that I’ve told him, peace steeps my soul. Those imaginary locks on my heart burst open and my heart yanks him inside, immediately resealing them, maybe tighter than ever before. My heart’s keeping him with me forever, and with him inside, it becomes the Granite Mountain Vault.

“Are you going to share your idea with me?” I ask.

“It starts with talking to Trish. Remember her from yoga, and the Boys and Girls Club? She has a degree in social work. She doesn’t work with kids—she has some gig working with the elderly—but she’ll know of some resources.”

“Dad practices family law. He might be persuaded to help us, too. It’s how he met Mom.” I’ve been hesitant to involve my parents, but it might be time.

“Dipping his pen in the company ink, eh? Francisco, you dog.”

“He fell in love because my mom’s the best human on the planet.” I pinch his ass. He squawks.

“Your mom’s pretty fucking awesome, Sutter. Which is why you come as such a shock.”

“That’s it.” I turn him so I can smack his bare ass. I have to cover his mouth when he squawks some more, but we devolve into laughter, the heaviness in the room effectively lifted.

“Sounds like we’ve got everything covered then,” Casey says. “It’s … look, this isn’t going to have a perfectly happy ending for them, just gonna be real about that, but it will be the best ending that can be hoped for in a situation like this.”

Chapter 24

A Very Meyer Christmas

Casey

Idon’t mean to catch Sutter’s eyes from across the room, but I fucking do, and they collide like we’re the star-crossed lovers in every old-timey movie. I will not pine for Sutter who’s only across the damn room. I can sit myself in his lap if I want.

I just don’t want to.

No, I’m a liar. I do, but I won’t. It’s bad enough that he’s here.

We’re having a Very Meyer Christmas this year and the entire world is here. Every Meyer—there are too many of them to list. Then there are the newlyweds, Logan and Rhett—still wrapping my head around that whole fiasco. Seems like there’s a new fiasco every few months, but it led to Mercy’s new coaching position with Rhett and Jack’s team, so all’s well that ends well and shit.

Even Jack’s dads and brothers are here—here being Mercy Meyer’s home in the Southlands of Vancouver. Dirk, Dash, and my brother joined too,andwe brought Charles, Stevie, and Mama West.

“I’ve been thinking long and hard about what I want you to get tattooed on your body,” Jack says.

“Huh?”

“Our bet. I considered cashing in tonight, but I’ll wait for one of you to make a declaration in whatever fucked up way Sutterchuck makes their declarations.”

There is so much wrong with all of that, I don’t know where to begin. “We’re not a couple, Jack.”

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