Page 103 of Breakneck Hockey

“Okay, what’s the other thing. Lay it on me.” After all that, whatever else he has to tell me can’t be that bad.

He takes a long inhale. “I got financing for a house.”

Financing for a…?Oh.All my limbs get heavy. My gut hollows out. He got financing for a house without me.

“I see.”

Stacey rubs the back of his head, face flushing with a smatter of pink creeping up his neck.

“I didn’t think I’d get it by myself but, in hindsight, a lot of doors have opened since we became famous hockey players. I haven’t bought a house yet. Barely had time to look. I thought maybe we could do that part together. That way, if you needed to move out for some reason, you’re not tied to anything.”

My brain scrambles to put words to what I’m feeling. I’m not good at that, though, which is why I usually jump to anger instead. I don’t have the right to be angry with him, but I can’t help the pangs of rejection.

“Did I miss a text message or something, bro?”

“I …” He does that back-of-the-head rub thing again. He huffs. “You’ve been distracted, and I needed?—”

“You needed something to distract you,” I finish for him. I might have been missing a few beats, but I’m still his twin and I know him.

“Yeah. Can you forgive me?”

“Nothing to forgive, Stace.” I mean that even if my heart’s breaking just a bit. I’m blaming Sutter for at least half of whatever’s unraveling here, but I’d be a delusional idiot not to see that I’m on the hook for the other half. “It’ll be the end of an era.”

“No. Don’t start with that kind of melancholy. We can still buy something together since we know you’ll get the financing.”

He doesn’t want to do that, though. I can fucking tell. It’s all because he thinks I’m gonna race off into the sunset with Sutter. “I’m not gonna fall in love with Sutter.”

He bites his bottom lip like he’s trying to stop himself from telling me a secret or maybe more like he’s trying to stop himselffrom yelling what he thinks is the obvious at me. Stacey settles on a shrug.

“I don’t want things to change,” I admit. But even as the words fall off my lips, I know they already have. Everything is different. Breaking down. Mutating. All because I started fucking Sutter.

I check my phone—for the last time—and still nothing. I’m gonna bury his ass the next time I see him. He knows how we work. He’s not doing us right. Fuck that fucking douchebag. I don’t get him. He beats Hayes into the ice, which I know was a warning to stay away from me, but he doesn’t want me either?

Dick. Such a dick.

“Sutter’s not endgame, Stace, he’s just a game. One I’m gonna have the best time playing until the last buzzer sounds.”

He nods, but he still thinks Sutter’s the golden ramen or some shit. “Let’s shelve it for now, okay? I’ve got new guy anyway. Want to hear about new guy?”

I don’t. I want to hear about how he’s gonna steal Dash’s ass away from Syd because fuck Syd, but I’ve already been the worst brother of the year, and I think he’s actually excited about new guy.

“Yeah, bro. Tell me about new guy and can we get ramen for dinner?” All this talk about ramen’s given me a craving. Ramen is not code for Sutter. Sutter will be lucky if I ever talk to him again.

Chapter 19

Dryland Hockey Camp

Sutter

Who the fuck does Casey think he is? I’m smart enough to know what he’s doing, just not smart enough to do anything about it.

Nicci smacks me upside the head. “You’re thinking about him again. You’re gonna have to admit how much you like him one day, Sutter.”

I scowl and shove my shit into my cubby so that the equipment crew can collect it and dry it for me. Practice was a bitch. I just wanna get home and wallow. And try not to miss Alderchuck. Fuck. When did this happen? But I think I know. We’re off and on all the fucking time, but this time it had a bit of finality to it. He wanted time away from me, whether he realized it or not, and I don’t like that.

It's so Alderchuck to want space, but not know he actually needs space. He’s likely fuming at me right now and wishing for my death, but I give him what he needs, so space it is, but I’monly waiting so long. If he’s confused, I’m gonna unconfuse him. We have a game with Vancouver next week. He gets until then.

“I’m planning on telling him,” I say, if just to fuck with Nicci.

---