Page 93 of Ice Dance Hockey

I’m not an achievement.

So you think.

I add the winking emoji so that he knows I’m teasing him. He isn’t an achievement, but I’ll still consider winning him an accomplishment.

“Har, har. Anyway, I’m signing off now just so you don’t think I’m dead in a ditch somewhere when I stop answering you. Merc expressed clearly that he doesn’t want me spending all my time on you and I think it’s good advice, even though it wasn’t a suggestion. I don’t make the best decisions sometimes. It’s nice to have a little guidance.”

Well, that’s less positive. It was one thing to have Mercy working against me, but if Logan agrees it’s severely lowered the outcome I want. The excited pit in my stomach hollows. The emptiness I’ll feel without Logan isn’t something I want to bear. For now, all I can do is back off a little.

Sweet dreams.

Goodnight, gorilla.

Chapter20

Game On!

Logan

Rhett’s name lights up my screen and denying the flutter in my stomach is impossible. I hate that.Hatethat. It’s not fucking fair. I’m not done being mad at him. Yesterday at his apartment messed with my head. Is he really going to abstain from taking a lover to prove himself while I pursue things with Scott?

Guess we’ll fucking see.

I open my text app to an image of the Rhett-o-nator and roll my eyes. It’s just the green smoothie. Nothing else. That’s to tell me he’s up earlier than usual. It’s three-thirty am. I’m ready and waiting for Jack to drive me to the rink, but it’s Mercy who stumbles down the stairs. I shove a to-go cup of coffee in his hand, and he takes a sip, scrunching his nose when the honey sweetness hits his tongue.

“Sorry. It was for Jack.”

“That was nice, bud.” He drinks the coffee with a goofy smile on his face, thinking of Jack, and I have new reasons to feel ashamed about my life. I’m actually fucking wondering if I’ll ever put that kind of smile on someone’s face. They’ve always got those goofy smiles on their faces for each other.

I’m blaming Rhett for this. Until yesterday, I didn’t think in those kinds of what ifs. If I pine for him and I turn out to be some kind of rebound, I will make him regret it.

And if I’m even worried about that happening, I should forget about him altogether.

But fuck. The Rhett-o-nator. It’s so stupid and so him that it’s giving me the dopey smile that I want to inspire from someone else.

“Why are you smiling like that?” Merc says as we slide into the minivan.

My eyes flicker to the ground. I don’t want to tell him, but I also want to tell him. It doesn’t make any sense. It’s embarrassing being caught out. “You’re the one who told him to text me every damn day.”

He backs out of the driveway and turns onto the long drive that runs down the property, passing rows of tall willow trees all the way along. The sun hasn’t come up yet. It feels like the middle of the night. He’s a good big brother for doing this for me. What would it have been like to grow up with him?

Merc releases a heavy sigh. “I also told him that he was done, but I don’t want to be the one to wipe that smile off your face. It’s gonna be me that sees what you look like with your heart broken and that’s worse. It’ll be me climbing the walls when you stop eating over it.”

Is it weird that I’m glad he would be there for me under those circumstances? Yeah, probably. He rubs his hand over his face a few times as he drives, which I’ve learned means that he’s trying to figure out what to say but can’t find the words. I want to be more than trouble for him.

I’mgoingto be more than trouble for him.

* * *

Crisp and cool rink air hits my face as soon as I step into the arena. I’m on the ice for five minutes before Scott shows. I still have a hard time finding words when I’m around him. It’s not butterflies exactly, but it’s something in that arena. None of the snark I have with Rhett

“Hey, Lowey,” he says. “You ready?”

Yeah. I’ve been ready for five minutes. “Ready.”

“And you read over the notes I gave you?”

“Twice.” I cringed the whole time, but I couldn’t help agreeing with his assessment. I can only learn from a skater like him.

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