Page 68 of From Wink to Kink

I find myself relaxing. This isn't at all how I expected this conversation to go. "Right. Yeah. I appreciate that."

We start walking together, and to my surprise, I find myself enjoying her company. She's funny and sharp, with a self-deprecating humor I can relate to.

"So," she says after a while, "how are you and Chuck enjoying the retreat? Beyond the, ah, misunderstandings."

I hesitate, not sure how much to share. But there's something about her that makes me want to open up. Maybe it's because she's a stranger, or maybe it's because I desperately need someone to talk to.

"It's... complicated," I admit. "Chuck is great, he really is. But I'm not sure how this can be anything more than a vacation fling, you know? We're from different worlds. He's a professional hockey player, and I'm just a librarian. What could we possibly have in common once we leave this place?"

Jazz listens thoughtfully, then says, "Honey, can I be blunt with you?"

I nod, bracing myself.

"You're overthinking this," she says kindly. "I've seen the way Chuck looks at you. That man is smitten, trust me. And from what I can see, you're pretty taken with him too. So what if you're from different worlds? Sometimes that's what makes it exciting."

I shake my head, frustrated. "But what about when we go back to real life? Chuck lives in a world of glamour and excitement. I catalog books for a living. How long before he gets bored?"

She stops walking and turns to face me. "Ruby, listen to me. You wouldn't be having these concerns if you didn't really likehim. And let me tell you something – you're damn lucky. Do you know how many women here would kill to have a guy look at them the way Chuck looks at you?"

I feel a blush creeping up my cheeks. "He doesn't?—”

But she interrupts me with a knowing smile. "Oh, he does. Trust me, I'm something of an expert in these matters. That man is head over heels for you."

I bite my lip, torn between hope and doubt. "Even if that's true, what if it doesn't last? What if we try and it all falls apart?"

She shrugs. "Then it falls apart. It happens. That's life. You can't let fear of what might happen stop you from experiencing something amazing. Be brave. Take a chance on love. What's the worst that can happen?"

"Heartbreak?" I suggest weakly.

"Maybe," she concedes. "But isn't that better than always wondering what might have been?"

Her words hit me hard. Isn't that exactly what I've been doing my whole life? Playing it safe, sticking to my books and my routines, never taking risks?

"I... I don't know," I say, my voice small.

She puts a comforting hand on my arm. "Look, no one’s saying you have to marry the guy. But don't close yourself off to the possibility of something real just because you're scared. Give it a chance. See where it goes. You might be surprised."

As we continue walking, Jazz's words tumble around in my head. Could she be right? Am I sabotaging something potentially wonderful because I'm too afraid to take a risk?

"Can I ask you something?" I say after a while.

She nods encouragingly.

"How did you... I mean, how did you and your husband decide to, um, open up your relationship?" I'm blushing furiously, but curiosity has gotten the better of me.

She laughs, not unkindly. "Of course, you can ask. Many people have the same question. The answer is, we'd been together for years and were happy, but felt like something was missing. We talked about it, a lot, and realized we wanted to explore. It's not for everyone, but for us, it works. The key is communication and trust."

"And you're not... jealous? When he's with other women?"

"Sometimes," she nods. "But then I remember at the end of the day, he comes home to me. We're each other's constants in a world of variables. And honestly? Seeing him desired by other women? It's kind of hot."

I laugh, surprised by her frankness. "I can't imagine ever feeling that way."

She winks at me. "Never say never, honey. Life has a way of surprising you."

As we near my bungalow, I find myself feeling lighter than I have in days. Jazz may live a lifestyle I can't imagine for myself, but her advice about taking chances resonates.

"Thank you," I say sincerely. "For the talk, and... well, for not being what I expected."

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