Page 22 of From Wink to Kink

Ken nods understandingly, but Barbie looks... disappointed? She runs a hand down my arm, her touch lingering a bit too long to be casual.

What the what?

“This your first time here, baby?” she asks.

“Um, yup. It is.” I don’t ask whether it’s theirs. I don’t want to know.

“We’ve come every year for the past three. It’s so liberating being with like-minded people. Know what I mean?” Now her fingers are back on her partner’s arm.

Better his than mine.

"Well, if you change your mind," she purrs, "we'll be in the Nirvana Suite. It's clothing optional, by the way."

I choke on the air, my brain short-circuiting as it tries to process what I've just heard. Clothing optional? Group bonding? What kind of resort is this?

"I, uh, I'll keep that in mind," I stammer, backing away. "But, you know, yoga calls. Gotta go find my inner... whatever. Nice meeting you folks!"

I turn and speed-walk down the path, not stopping until I'm safely out of sight. My heart is racing, and not just from the unexpected and sweaty cardio.

As I lean against a conveniently placed palm tree, the reality of my situation smacks me in the face.

This isn't a wellness retreat. Nor some hippie-minded meditation and yoga sanctuary.

No, behind the homey, eco-chic façade of Pura Vida, I’m pretty sure this is a couples resort. A very... open-minded couples resort.

I laugh out loud, the sound echoing on the close jungle pathway. Oh, if the team could see me now. Chuck Newcomb, notorious bad boy of hockey, accidentally booked into what's essentially an adult summer camp. The press would have a field day.

For a moment, I consider calling my agent, demanding he get me out of here and into a nice, normal resort where "partner work" means spotting someone on the weight bench, not... whatever it means here.

But then I think about the knowing smirks, the jokes in the locker room. The pitying looks from the coaching staff.Poor Chuck, couldn't hack it at cuddle camp. Yeah, no way. I'd never live it down.

Plus, a tiny voice in the back of my head whispers,maybe this is exactly what you need. A chance to step out of your comfort zone, to see how the other half lives. The half that doesn't solve all their problems with a well-timed body check or a bar fight.

I straighten up, squaring my shoulders like I'm about to face off against the league's top enforcer. Alright, Pura Vida, you want to play?

I’m in.

I may not be here for the ‘clothing optional’ activities, but I'll be damned if I let a bunch of love-drunk hippies out-inner peace me. By the end of this week, I'll be the most mindful, centered, downward-dogging bastard this place has ever seen.

And who knows? Maybe I'll even learn something about myself in the process. Stranger things have happened. Like, you know, accidentally booking yourself into a kinky-ass couples retreat.

As I head back to my bungalow to change for some physical activity and do a little Google search for the true definition oftantra, I can't help but grin. One thing's for sure, this is going to be a hell of a lot more interesting than I initially thought.

11

CHUCK

Alright,yoga. How hard can it be, right? I mean, I'm a professional athlete. I've been body-checked by guys the size of small SUVs. I've skated so hard my legs felt like they were on fire. Surely a bit of stretching and deep breathing is going to be a walk in the park.

Spoiler alert—I am an idiot.

I saunter into the yoga pavilion, all confidence and swagger. The place is already half-full of lithe, tanned bodies in various states of stretch. I unroll my mat – a garishly orange thing the resort provides that screams ‘YOGA VIRGIN’ louder than my lost expression does.

"First time?" a voice to my left asks. I turn to see a woman who looks like she was sculpted by Michelangelo himself, if Michelangelo was into ab definition. And women.

"That obvious, huh?" I flash her my best media-friendly grin.

She smiles back, and I swear I hear angels sing. "Don't worry, we were all beginners once. Just... maybe stay in the back for this class. It can get a bit intense."

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