Page 75 of From Wink to Kink

"Hey Ruby, about earlier?—”

"Can we not?" she interrupts, holding up a hand. "I'm not... I'm not ready to talk."

I nod, swallowing hard. "Sure. Whatever."

An uncomfortable silence falls between us and I watch her move around the room, grabbing her pajamas, getting ready for bed.

"Ruby," I start again, unable to bear the silence. "I know I dumped a lot on you earlier. Maybe I shouldn’t have?—"

But she cuts me off, crossing the room in three quick strides to kiss me.

For a moment, I'm stunned. Then instinct takes over, and I'm kissing her right back, my hands finding her waist, pulling her closer.

This kiss is different from our previous ones. It's hungry. Kind of desperate. And most definitely hot. Her fingers tangle in my hair as she deepens the kiss, and I can't help the low groan escaping my chest.

When we end up on the bed, she straddles my lap, her hands roaming over my chest. My own hands slip under her pajama top, tracing the skin of her lower back.

"Chuck," she breathes against my lips, and the sound of my name on her tongue undoes me.

I flip us over, pressing her into the mattress, trailing kisses down her neck. She arches into me and for a moment, I'm lost.

But then, through the haze of desire, a thought surfaces. This isn't right. Not like this.

With every ounce of willpower I possess, I pull back, breathing heavily.

She blinks at me, confusion and hurt flashing across her face. "What's wrong?"

I roll off her, running a hand through my hair. "We can't do this. Not... not now."

"Why not?" she asks, sitting up. Her hair is mussed, her lips swollen from our kisses, and it takes everything in me not to pull her back into my arms.

"Because," I say, trying to gather my thoughts. "Because I dumped a lot on you earlier. Because you said you needed time to think. Because I don't want you to do something you might regret in the morning."

She's quiet for a moment, and I brace myself for her anger. But when she speaks, her voice is vulnerable. "What if I don't regret it?"

I turn to look at her, my heart aching at the uncertainty in her eyes. "Ruby, you have no idea how much I want this. Wantyou. But not like this. Not when there's still so much unsaid between us."

She nods slowly, wrapping her arms around herself. "Okay. So what now?"

I reach out to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. "Let’s... go to sleep. And tomorrow, if you're ready, we talk. Really talk."

"Okay."

We settle into bed, a careful distance between us even though the ‘dividing line’ pillow has long since been retired. As the minutes tick by, she inches closer until her back is pressed against my chest. Without thinking, I drape an arm over her waist and pull her closer.

"You good?"

She nods, lacing her fingers through mine. "Yeah. I’m good."

As her breathing evens out, I lie awake. A week ago, I would have jumped at the chance for a no-strings hookup. But now? Now, I want more.

I don’t understand it. So I’m not going to try to.

But I do know that ‘more’ includes lazy Sunday mornings and heated debates about books I've never read, learning Ruby’s quirks and habits, and making her laugh that full-bodied laugh that lights up her face. I want to be there for her bad days and her good ones, to celebrate her disappointments and her victories.

I want to build something real and lasting.

Which is why I stopped things tonight. She deserves more than a heat-of-the-moment hookup and I can’t be intimate with her when she is full of uncertainty.

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