Page 63 of From Wink to Kink

I resist the urge to roll my eyes. Chuck, noticing my expression, leans in to whisper, "Ten bucks says someone shares a story about their 'spiritual awakening' involving hallucinogenic tea."

Despite myself, I snort with laughter. Chuck grins, clearly pleased to have broken through my icy demeanor. For a moment, I feel that connection with him again, that easy rapport we've developed.

But then Sunshine is pairing us off, and suddenly Chuck is walking away with a statuesque blonde who looks like she just stepped off a runway. I'm left with a kind-faced older gentleman who introduces himself as Gerald.

As Gerald starts sharing a surprisingly touching story about his late wife, I can't help but keep glancing over at Chuck andhis partner. They are deep in conversation, the blonde leaning in close, her hand occasionally touching Chuck's arm as she speaks.

Jealousy, hot and unexpected, surges through me. Look at her, with her perfect hair and yoga-toned body. She probably doesn't overanalyze every interaction or stress about intimacy the way I do. She’s probably never dated an IT geek, and certainly has never been broken up with via a post-it note. And she's probably exactly the kind of woman Chuck goes for.

Hell, if I were him, I’d go for her, too.

"...and that's when I realized love isn't about grand gestures. It's about the small moments of connection," Gerald is saying. I nod, trying to focus on his story, but my eyes keep drifting back to Chuck.

When it's my turn to share, I find myself stumbling over my words, hyperaware of Chuck potentially overhearing. "I, uh... I've always found it hard to open up to people. Books were safer, you know? They couldn't hurt you or leave you or..."

I trail off, mortified. Way to bare your soul to a complete stranger, Ruby.

But Gerald just nods knowingly. Like he sees something in me. "It's scary, putting yourself out there. But sometimes, the risk is worth the reward."

Before I can respond, the group is called back together. I thank Gerald, and as Chuck returns to me, I can't help but notice the lipstick mark on his cheek. My stomach grinds.

"Wasn't that a beautiful exercise? Now, let's hear from some of our couples about what they learned!" Sunshine purrs.

People start sharing, and eventually, the blonde who was paired up with Chuck raises her hand. When it’s her turn, she looks between Chuck and me and, to my horror, starts sharing observations us.

Not sure what this has to do with the exercise, but okay.

"I couldn't help but notice the tension between those two," she says, pointing at us. "Honeymoon phase over already?"

Huh?

Another chimes in. I had no idea we attracted so much attention. After all, we’ve pretty much kept to ourselves the entire time we’ve been here.

A man joins in, "Oh, come on. We've all seen the way those two look at each other. They're clearly crazy about each other, even if they're too stubborn to admit it."

My face burns as I shrink into my seat. How did we become the topic of this mortifying conversation? I steal a glance at Chuck, expecting to see him looking equally uncomfortable. Instead, he's grinning, amused by the whole situation, like he’s actually pleased that others are confirming our budding relationship.

Such as it is.

"What can I say?" he says to the room. "When you know, you know."

The group coos and awes, while I fight the urge to disappear into the floor. How can he be so casual about this? Doesn't he realize how new and fragile this thing between us is?

As the workshop wraps up, I'm a mess of conflicting emotions. Part of me wants to run away, to protect myself from the potential hurt. Another part wants to grab Chuck and never let go.

"Hey," he says as we leave, his hand finding mine. "You okay? You seem... off."

I pull my hand away, ignoring the hurt look that flashes across his face. "I'm fine. Just... processing."

He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "Ruby, talk to me. What's going on in that brilliant head of yours?"

I open my mouth, ready to brush him off again, but something in his expression stops me. He looks genuinelyconcerned, genuinely invested in understanding what I'm feeling.

Maybe, just maybe, Gerald was right. Maybe the riskisworth the reward.

Taking a deep breath, I say, "Can we talk? Somewhere private?"

He nods, relief evident on his face. "Of course. Lead the way."

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